Changing Relationships
by WTBAW123
Summary: This story explores Lily and James as they enter their seventh year. With the death of Lily's father, could James and the other Marauders become the friends she never thought they could be?
1. Chapter 1

**Severus and Lily**

Lily and Severus barely interacted these days. They sat nowhere near each other in classes and ignored each other in the hallways. However, she saw how often and for long he looked her way. She knew he loved her. She has always known…just didn't realise in what way he loved until it was too late. Anyway, she had never felt the same way back. She could never see him that way.

'He's staring again.' Mary said, 'it's so creepy when he does that.'

'Ignore him then.' Lily replied, not even glancing up.

'I can't.' Mary whispered, 'he always stares at you.'

'I know…but I can't tell him to stop. He knows we aren't friends anymore and he knows I know what he's planning to do once he leaves Hogwarts.' Lily sighed.

'You could report him. Maybe to Dumbledore or McGonagall? Tell them what he wants to become.' Mary whispered.

'I think they know. How could they not? Anyway, it's no longer my place.'

'Still…I wish he'd stop staring.'

He didn't.

 **Remus and Lily – End of Sixth Year**

'Remus, I know. I know what you are and I know what you're thinking of doing', Lily said.

Her and Remus were lounging on the grass near the lake and he lazily turned to look at her. She noticed the deep blue circles under his eyes and the patches on his clothes, wondering why he didn't fix them more effectively with magic rather than just patch them up. She's always thought that because of his 'condition' he feels like he is less than everyone else and uses his outward appearance to display this. She saw faint shock register in his eyes as he considered her words.

'Lily? What do you mean?' he asked nervously. He looked concerned but also like he didn't know what to expect.

'Oh come on, Remus. I've known since third year when they set the homework on werewol-', Lily started. Remus started, looking appalled at the situation and started to get up.

'I'm not going to insult your intelligence by pretending against what you know. I do however respect you enough to excuse myself from this conversation, so you don't become uncomfortable in my presence'. Lily thought it was like he shut down. The light in his eye began to die and he was aging before her eyes. He just seemed sad.

'Remus Lupin, what the hell do you think you're doing? Sit back down immediately.' Lily demanded.

He almost smiled right then, but it was a sad sort of half-smile. He didn't sit back down but he also didn't leave. It was Lily's go to smile, albeit weakly. He was silent so she took it as her chance to continue.

'Remus, I have known since third year. It has neither changed my opinion of you as my friend, or my fellow Prefect. I have always respected your brain and the way you think and I have absolutely always considered you my friend. I wanted to be there for you, just like I know your fellow Marauders have been'. Remus again looked shocked and surprised she knew that.

'Yes, I know what you call yourselves, I know what they did for you in fifth year to help you, to comfort you. I wish I could have done something similar but I knew you didn't like people knowing. The only reason I'm informing you that I know is because I can see what your friends can't, your struggling more and more. I think the transformations are causing you more pain and I think you're scared. Also, I know they've been in contact. I know you've recently heard from the Death Eaters, and though you did not remotely consider their offer…I think you realised that's the side people will begin to think you're on if they find out what you are. So I wanted to tell you, that it's not what you can change into that makes you who you are but who you decide to be'.

Remus looked half-torn between laughing and crying.

 _'You sound like bloody Dumbledore. It's not just something I 'change into'…it's who I am. The transformations are getting more painful. Every damn time. James, Sirius and Peter are such a comfort_ to me. To have them there, it makes me feel loved. Happier than I've ever felt in my entire life. But it won't last forever. We'll leave Hogwarts soon. We only have seventh year left. I already know I won't be Head Boy because Dumbledore spoke to me when I told him about the offer. God knows how, but you were right about that. They offered me a life of murder and torture in exchange for acceptance. And you're right when you say I ignored it, I could never give myself to that specific kind of evil. I'm still evil though, I'm wrong and inhumane. When I become what I do, I want to kill…I can remember it. Every bone that breaks during my transformation and every urge I have. I think that's the real reason Dumbledore has decided against making me Head Boy, not that I blame him. I think he's decided I'm too much of a risk. I think I'm too much of a risk. And that's why I have made the decision to not return to Hogwarts next year. This place is everything I wanted and need…but it doesn't need me'.

Remus had tears falling down his face. He had slowly sunk to his knees and looked almost relieved. Like this was something he had needed to say for a really long time. Lily's heart broke just looking at him. Her friend and her confidant. He was the one she went to when she fell out with Severus, and he was the one she went to when she worried she wasn't brave enough or strong enough.

'Remus. I love you. Not in a 'I want to have your children' kind of way', Lily said laughing weakly, 'but I never in a million years thought I would meet someone as brave as you. As strong and as funny. You have become my best friend. Someone away from Mary who I can talk to and confide in. I want you to know that I know you have been planning to not return. I see how you look at James and those guys. Like the sadness of the decision you've been making might break you. I read your letter when you were writing in front of the fireplace. You fell asleep whilst writing it and I had come downstairs. I saw the drying tears on the paper. I didn't mean to…I went to clear it away and I saw some words. Then I couldn't stop myself. You wrote about the offer, about what Dumbledore said and about your decision. Remus if you don't return to Hogwarts, I don't think I could ever forgive you. Or myself'.

Lily was sobbing now. She hadn't intended for it to go this way but she and Remus had slowly been becoming closer over the last few months, and she had begun to trust him in a way she trusted no one. It was to him who she first confessed that she no longer hated James, and that she didn't know what that meant. It was to him that she told him how scared she was that her father was getting more and more ill. She couldn't lose him and frankly, he couldn't lose her. They were friends.

He shook his head slowly, 'Lily, I can't see an alternative. James, Sirius and Peter can't support me forever. They can't be there forever. They want to fight the evil and be Aurors…they haven't realised, despite their innate cleverness, that they would never accept me as one.'

They continued back and forth for quite some time. Lily could see Remus's resolve slipping, she knew he didn't want to leave. He needed someone to tell him not to. Eventually he agreed to speak to Dumbledore again, to speak to his Marauders – his friends. Remus told her how much it meant to him to hear her say he was her best friend, asides from Mary. That he loved her too and aside from the Marauders – he trusted her above all else. They sat shoulder to shoulder for quite some time near the lake, until they'd both stopped crying. Then Remus said something that shook Lily to the core.

'He loves you, you know. James loves you. And now more than ever before, I can see why'.

 **James and Lily – Short scene**

James Potter was a dick. He was a waste of space, good for nothing, troublemaker. That is what Lily has always, always told herself. However, recently he was morphing into something else. He stilled teased her, and others, relentlessly. He still used any opportunity to get one over on the teachers. However, he was more outspoken about the war against Voldemort and the Death Eaters – not in a cocky way, but in the way you'd expect someone to when you knew they were going to fight. The first time he spoke out in class was against their History of Magic teacher, Professor Binns. People so rarely interrupted him…they usually just let him speak to they were finally released from his class. Even Lily has stopped taking notes in fifth year. Professor Binns was talking about how in a war, it is often both sides who are at fault…not one singularly individual or party.

'Not this time, sir.' He has said, 'this time it's not us…this time we didn't do anything.'

'Excuse me, Mr. Popper?'

'It's Potter, sir. And I'm just saying that on this occasion, you cannot say our side is at fault. Muggleborns have not done anything, sir. They simply were born with magic…that is not evil or wrong. Sir.' He added as an afterthought.

'Perhaps you're right, Mr. Poller. But this is not a discussion for now'. Professor Binns said and went back to lecturing in his flat, dull voice. There was a faint buzz around the classrooms and some very odd looks shot at James, who rarely spoke up unless it was in wit or sarcasm. The Slytherins particularly looked annoyed. Lily, on the other hand, was shell shocked. She didn't believe something so…mature and reasonable could come out of his mouth. Thinking back…that was probably the very day she began to fall for him, though for a long time she ignored this.

This was also not the last time that James spoke out in class against the coming war.

 **2 months later**

James Potter approached Lily Evans in the library, who was studying hard for her end of year exams. He sat down opposite her and waited for her to acknowledge him. This was extremely against character. He usually flicked her head or charmed her stuff to dance or asked her on a date, in the most arsehole-ly way possible.

'Remus told me.' He said, when she finally looked up.

Her green eyes locked on his and for just a second, she feared Remus had betrayed her confidence about everything she confided in him about James and their changing relationship. Then, of course, she remembered Remus would never do this to her.

'What do you mean?' She asked, in what she hoped was a curious tone…and not pure anxiety.

'I mean…he told me you told him to stay. That you knew what he was. Knew about his offer. About Dumbledore. About everything. I mean that you convinced him not to leave and to talk to us about it and not immediately freak out. To not leave us…to explain he's scared and actually have us listen.' James finished.

'Alright. But I don't know why you're telling me this, Potter. As you're aware, I already knew.' Lily said, taking her eyes of his, and looking back down at her work.

'Don't take that tone, Evans. For fucks sake, I'm just trying to say I'm grateful. I could have lost my friend. My very good friend. My furry little friend.' James said, smirking.

'You think you're so funny…you're not. It's not nice to tease.' Lily scolded.

'Who taught you that…your mummy?' James teased.

'Please go away, Potter. I'm trying to work.' Lily sighed.

'Nah. I came to thank you and I'm done. If you're lucky, I might even consider asking you out as a reward.' James said.

'I wouldn't go out with you, as I have said countless times, if you were the last fish in the whole damn sea.' Lily spat, looking back up at him.

All of a sudden, James's eyes lost his teasing spark…they became serious. They looked at each other for quite a while. James was serious and Lily was angry. However, her angry against him and him teasing her just wasn't as much as it used to be. He tentatively reached out towards her and tucked a bit of her fallen red hair back behind her ear. Instead of smacking him away, she let him. He lent back and said in the most serious tone she's ever heard him use.

'I don't know. I think I could change your mind. I think you know how I really feel about you.' James said, quietly.

'You don't 'feel' for me at all. You may think I'm slightly pretty, but mostly you like to tease.' Lily said, sure of herself and her statement.

'That's not true, Evans. You care for people more than I've ever known anyone to care for anyone.' He said.

'Then you haven't met many caring people.' She said.

'Maybe not…or maybe you just don't see you how I see you'. James said.

Lily leaned forwards. Completely unconsciously of course, and not enough for James to notice. He did not see her eyes soften…as they often did when he spoke this passionately about something. All of a sudden, he returned to his normal self.

'Besides…who else would have you?' He said, smirking again. With that, he got up and left.

Lily could have kicked herself for being so dumb.


	2. Chapter 2

**Okay so next installment flows better. As you'll see, one event in Lily's life changes everything. Including her friendship with James. Please review** **I'm posting another chapter quite quickly because I enjoy writing them, but would really like to know what people think. Whether you hate it or love it.**

Lily sat in the car staring out the window. She still didn't know whether she was doing the right thing. On the one hand, her mother had said that she'd be okay and she would cope without her. On the other, Tuney had expressly said that she thought she was acting extremely selfishly by going back to her 'freak' school. Lily herself felt extremely selfish to abandon her mother so soon after her father died. This past summer had been unbearably tough. She honestly doesn't know if she had managed to get through it altogether intact. She looked exhausted, nowhere near the same level as her mother, but as if she hadn't slept for weeks. In most ways, she hadn't. She'd also lost a lot of weight, her cheekbones were very prominent and her eyes looked kind of sunken, a little like Remus just after the full moon. She didn't talk as much, and was pretty rubbish at answering her friend's letters. Mary, Remus and Alice were the only ones who knew of her father's death, asides from the teachers. They had all been sworn to secrecy, at least until term began. Lily had accepted that people would need to know then.

As she said goodbye to her mother on the platform, hugging her tightly and promising to write as often as she could, she wondered how she was going to get through this year. Let alone get through being Head Girl. She also was struggling with the idea that James Potter was Head Boy, though she doubted Dumbledore's reasoning…she knew that James had been quite outspoken about the war and guessed Dumbledore therefore had his reasons. She didn't really care anymore.

Alice and Mary came running up to her at the platform, and she hugged them both weakly.

'Lily, you look so tired. Let us help you with your trunk. We've already got a compartment on the train. We're sharing with Remus and that.' Mary said, carefully avoiding James's name.

Lily hugged her mother one last time, and then trailed after her friends. She followed them down the Hogwarts Express until they came to their compartment, and then took the seat closest to the window. She knew that the Marauders were looking at her, but she did her best to block them out.

'So Lily, did you hear our boy here got Head Boy?' Sirius said, smirking as he playfully hit James in the arm. James, in turn ran his hand through his hair.

'I did. Congratulations.' Lily said, without glancing at them and continuing to stare out the window.

The boys, other than Remus, all looked shocked at her lack of attitude or sarcastic response. They sat in a kind of stunned silence for about five minutes. Lily decided she needed some space, and she had a feeling Alice was about to bring up her father's death.

'I'll see you and James in the Prefects compartment.' Lily said, and then left the compartment.

The others sat there in stunned silence.

'What was that all about?' Sirius asked.

'Well, I guess you can know now. She is aware that you'll find out eventually.' Alice began.

'Know what?' James interrupted, impatiently.

'Her father died over summer. About a week ago actually. He got quite ill just before summer started and has been continually getting worse. Lily's pretty torn up about it, she even wrote to Dumbledore and requested him to be healed magically, seeing as her dad knew about magic anyway. She hasn't said much, but obviously Dumbledore refused to help her. She kind of went in on herself after that.' Alice said, sadly.

'It's like she shut down…I'm really worried. She's lost so much weight.' Mary said.

'Almost looks as bad as you, Remus.' Sirius joked, weakly.

'Not funny, Padfoot.' James snapped.

Sirius looked hurt by his friend's tone, as he knew that James knew he was just trying to lighten the mood. He didn't mean any harm.

'Sorry.' Sirius replied, looking at his hands.

'I think we should go, James. Lily will be waiting for us to start the meeting.' Remus said, quietly. Gathering up his cloak and Prefect's badge and exiting the compartment, closely followed by James.

'Poor Lily.' Peter said.

The others nodded in agreement.

 **A little later on…**

'I think that went as well as it could have done.' James said, when it was just him and Lily and Remus. 'Did you see the looks of the idiot Slytherins Prefect's face's when they saw I was Head Boy?'

'They aren't idiots'. Lily replied, but with nowhere near as much conviction as she used to have when she stuck up for people.

'Sorry.' James responded, awkwardly.

Remus chose this moment to excuse himself, claiming he wanted to go to the toilet before they pulled up to Hogwarts.

'Erm, Lily?' James started, causing Lily to look up at him. He noticed she had lost a lot of weight, but her eyes were still as green as ever. There was a little less life there.

'I wanted to say, erm. I wanted to say that I'm sorry to hear about your father. I-I think that must have been really hard, but erm, if you ever, you know, want to speak…I'm here. I mean, I'm probably not your first choice…but I'm here.' James finished, lamely.

'That's a kind offer. But I really don't want anyone else's pity. No offense, but you had no interest in me before, other than continually asking me out, so I can't say I'm not surprised you're showing interest in me now.' Lily said, sharply.

She pushed past James and went to get her trunk, they were pulling into Hogwarts station. Leaving James as confused as ever as he thoroughly believed he always showed her too much interest.

The feast went without issue, and after the Sorting Hat reminded them to all love each other etc. Lily finally got to leave, having not eaten much.

'First years. Please follow myself, my fellow Head boy or a Prefect. Gryffindor Tower is this way.' She said, her voice raised.

'Yes, follow me first years.' Remus said, attempting to help in the chaos.

After leading the first years, and the rest of Gryffindor house up to the common room. Lily headed straight to her dormitory. However, she couldn't find her stuff by her usual bed. Someone else's name was there instead.

'Where's my stuff?' Lily demanded of Alice, who had followed her into the room.

'Don't you remember?' Alice asked, timidly. 'The Heads of houses has their own living quarters, and seeing as both are from Gryffindor, you'll erm- ', Alice was saying.

'I'll be sharing with James.' Lily finished for her. 'Right okay, that's fine. I'll head there now.'

'Want me and Mary to come with you?' Alice asked.

'No, no. It's okay. I'm going to have to get used to James being around.'

Lily walked a little further up and the stairs, and down a little hallway. A small flight of stairs led up to a door, and Lily knew on the other side of the living space there would be a little flight of stairs for James. That way the Head would be between the two so they could keep the peace if the Prefects couldn't handle it. She walked in to find a little area with a sofa and a small coffee table in front of it. On one side of the room, there was two doors which obviously led to Lily and James's bedrooms. At the edge of the room there was a few kitchen appliances, and a counter so she (and James) could have breakfast there if it was called for. Lily also discovered a small fridge which was stocked with food.

'Guess I won't be needing this then.' James said, making Lily jump.

'Sorry.' He hurried on, before Lily had a chance to scold him. 'I noticed you didn't eat much at dinner, so bought you some food up'.

James produced some brownies, a few sandwiches and some Pumpkin Juice. He'd obviously made a trip to the kitchens before coming up here.

'That was nice of you. I ate enough though.' Lily said, making her way to her room.

'Don't lie.' James said. He reached out to catch her arm, and then quickly dropped it. 'You just pushed food around your plate.'

'I did not.' Lily started, indignantly.

'Look, I know what I saw. I'm worried about you. Please…eat a little. Just a little.' James pleaded.

Lily could see from his expression that he was actually worried, and rather than start a fight she didn't have the energy to continue. She grabbed his offering and sat down on the sofa.

'Join me then.' Lily said.

'Excuse me?' James questioned.

Lily motioned to the seat beside her on the sofa, and James slowly lowered himself into it…ready to move if she changed her mind.

'I'm sorry.' Lily muttered.

'What?' James said, thinking he'd misheard her.

'I said I'm sorry. It was nice of you to offer to talk earlier and I'm sorry I was blunt with you. I don't really know how to act. But I definitely don't like the pity.' Lily said.

James moved uncomfortably in his chair and then adjusted himself to look at her.

'I don't think it's pity. I think people just want you to know that they're here if you need them to be.' James replied.

'I know you're right, but I don't want them to be. It's hard. I miss my father every damn day but I can't make him come back to me. Neither can anyone else, and the pity I see in their faces just reminds me they can't give me what I want. They can't give me my dad.'

James thought about this for a second, his face looked truly sad. Lily noticed that it wasn't pity she saw, but sincere pain.

'I think people are struggling to see their friend who is usually so strong, in so much pain. I can't sit here and claim that you and I have always got on. I know how you feel about me and I know it isn't great. I'm not going to force you to change your mind. I look at Remus, and I watch him looking at you. I think he just wants to talk. You don't have to talk about your dad's death. Or about anything like that, but I think he definitely misses you. He doesn't have many people who know exactly who and what he is. I think he's scared he'll lose you. I think Alice and Mary feel the same. I can't claim to know them well, and I'm at fault there. But you can tell their scared. You've lost a lot of weight. You don't look happy; you just look tired.' James looked like he wanted to say more, but wasn't sure what.

Lily considered his words.

'I tried to talk to them for a while, but it made me angry. If their parents had what my dad had, they would get magical treatment because at least one of their parents is magical…it makes them entitled somehow. Just because my parents aren't, they don't deserve magical help? Dad needed my world, and I couldn't give it to them. Why should I get my world, where if I break my arm magic can fix it in a second, when he can't have it? I didn't want to not talk to them, I love them. But I'm angry at everyone.' Lily replied.

'I can see why. I'd be angry too.' James said, lamely.

'I wrote to Dumbledore. Told him how sick my father was, begged and pleaded for his help. He didn't respond for a week and Dad was just getting more and more ill so I wrote again and told him he was useless. That I didn't need him and I didn't need Hogwarts and I wouldn't be returning.' Lily told James, who looked appalled to hear that someone like Lily had spoken to Dumbledore like that.

Lily smiled a little at his expression and continued.

'He wrote back then. Told me he's set up meetings. That he's tried but unfortunately it's against every magical law to heal a terminally ill patient. He told me he pushed and pushed, but they can't spare the resources. It would take too much of a cover-up to explain how my dad 'magically' got better. He explained that he would not accept my resignation from magical life. That I was to continue here, and then maybe fight for the muggles this side of things. He told me I was strong, and the magical community need me in the coming war. That my friends needed me, so not to abandon them for not knowing how to help. I don't know how he knew I wasn't responding to their letters. He told me that I was Head Girl, informed me not to tell anyone but he felt I should be allowed to tell my father. Just in case my letter didn't arrive in time. He told me I was a true Gryffindor, and I would get through this. My father died two days after that. Dumbledore's letter was the reason I decided to answer my friends. To tell them I was returning. It was hard. It is hard. I can't just be the person I was before summer; I think I've changed too much. But I also think you're right James…I need to try harder with my friends.' Lily finished, looking relieved to have finally said everything out loud.

James smiled then. He was happy, because even though it was just a little bit, Lily looked happier.

'Thank you for telling me that. I'll be here whenever you need to talk. I promise.' James said.

It was Lily's go again to smile, and it warmed James's heart.

'Maybe you aren't a big a dick as I had thought you were.' She said.

'Don't say that.' James said, trying to look serious. 'You might ruin my reputation.'

Lily actually laughed then.

'Ah yes, can't have that.'

'My fans would be so disappointed.'

'One more thing', Lily said as James turned towards his door. 'You said the way I feel about you 'isn't great'? I'm not sure that's true. I think I get why Dumbledore made you Head Boy. I think you're needed in the war as well. I also think you've changed over the summer, maybe for the better.'

After a few more words, they bid each other goodnight. Both equally wondering how much that conversation meant to the other. Whatever it meant, that was the very beginning of their friendship.


	3. Chapter 3

**Author's note: I'm uploading so many chapters in about one day, but I've always enjoyed writing (whether I'm good or not I kind of want to keep going) so please do read…I want to know what people think! Also, I'm not going to hate too much on Peter or make out the others didn't like him…I think the worst part about his betrayal was how much they trusted him. Plenty of dialogue in this, because I like writing it and when I read fanfics, I like lots of dialogue. (Sorry for the long note).**

 **Disclaimer: JK Rowling invented every name you've seen so far, anything that may seem to be off her work is just because I felt it fit better with my own story**

The first week at Hogwarts went quite quickly. Lily was so busy with her classes she sometimes forgot to be sad, which absolutely devastated her. One of the days, she found herself properly laughing at something Alice has said. It almost felt like a betrayal to her dad. She knew he wouldn't want her to be miserable, but to be happy? She couldn't be happy.

Her life had taken a strange turn, she had listened to James's advice and tried harder with her friends. Especially Remus, who she knew needed him as much as he needed her. He would always need someone to support him, and she hadn't been of much help since he found out she knew he was a werewolf. Therefore, she had resolved to at least spend more time in his presence. This of course meant Mary and Alice getting to know Remus a little better, and also getting to know the other Marauders a little better. Lily herself already knew them all of course because of their pranks on her over the years, but found herself getting to know them all a little better.

Lily thought that Sirius was the clown of the group, but thought deep down he had a good heart. Peter was shy, but well-meaning…he could be very sweet. He also absolutely idolised James, Sirius and Remus. Remus, of course, was the same as he ever was. Quietly funny and clever. James, on the other hand, was a different story. Lily always sure he had very surface based emotions, but often found him talking passionately about the war and how Muggleborns were not at fault. How most were better than pureblood wizards. She also didn't miss that he often glanced at her when he said things like that.

However, despite trying very hard to include herself in her friendships groups, and still doing well in her classes. Lily still found herself staring into space, having no idea that people were talking to her. She found she would be having a conversation with Alice or Mary or one of the Marauders, and she'd zone out altogether. Her friends didn't miss this either. They knew she was trying hard, but sometimes she'd look so sad it would break their hearts. They didn't miss the tears that sometimes snuck out of her eyes. Or the moments where she'd jump because someone made a noise and she was so overwhelmed by her own sadness, that it terrified her to be shocked back to reality. They honestly didn't know what to do.

Lily had gone downstairs early for breakfast on Saturday morning, and was a little surprised to see Sirius in the common room.

'Ah Evans, is James on his way?' Sirius asked.

'Didn't see him…I think he's still sleeping.'

'Not surprised I guess, it's basically midnight.' Sirius said, gloomily.

Lily couldn't help but laugh at that, and Sirius looked slightly surprised.

'If it's so early, why are you up?' Lily asked.

'Don't really know to be honest, just couldn't get back to sleep. Peter snores.' Sirius replied, by way of explanation.

'Oh. Well…I guess; you could join me if you'd like? For breakfast?' Lily clarified.

'Erm, okay. Yeah. Okay.' Sirius said.

'Oh please. Do try and curb your enthusiasm.' Lily replied, dryly.

'No, I didn't mean it like that. It's just, you've never really liked me. I'm surprised you want to willingly spend time with me.' Sirius said, looking confused at his own honesty.

'Never liked you?! You dyed my hair green in second year.' Lily exclaimed.

'I thought it would go well with your eyes.' Sirius replied, innocently.

'And then in third year, you tried to spike my drink with Firewhiskey.' Lily said.

'Well, I thought you looked a little sober.'

'I was thirteen.' Lily said, laughing a little.

'Ah, but it's never too early. I seem to remember however, someone tying my laces together the next day in charms class. I fell straight onto Pansy Olson and grabbed her boob, and she still glares at me whenever I see her.' Sirius claimed.

'You couldn't honestly expect me to not fight back a little.' Lily said, smiling.

They walked down the corridors together, discussing pranks of the past. Both agreeing that Sirius had matured a little more this year, then disagreeing when Lily said not enough. Lily found it strange that she could talk to Sirius so easily.

'Evans, I like you.' Sirius said.

'Well, that has been said before. Though Sirius, I just don't see you in that way. I'm sure one day, someone will.' Lily said, smirking.

'Oh very funny. Excuse me for trying to pay a girl a compliment.'

Lily properly laughed this time and again, Sirius looked shocked at the sound. Lily wondered if she hadn't been trying hard enough this past week.

Sirius and Lily continued with their conversation for quite some time. Not realising that more and more people were coming down to breakfast, and staring at the two of them together.

'I want to say something, but I fear it'll bring the mood down.' Sirius said.

'Go on…', Lily said, expectantly.

'I wanted to say…I'm sorry about your father. I haven't said it and I should have. I can't compare myself to your situation, because neither of my parents have died but I can assure you, they believe me to be dead to them so I have in a way, also lost my parents. So I'm sorry and I'm sorry I never said it before.' Sirius finished.

'Er. That's…nice of you to say.' Lily replied, quietly.

'I know you don't like it being bought up. I know you like people to pretend it hasn't happened, and to treat you like normal. Trust me, I'd rather not be mentioning it now. But I felt you should know, though I may not be the most likely of friends. I know what it's to lose family, I lost my family when I was put in Gryffindor. So I'm here if you need me.' Sirius said.

'Thank you.' Lily replied, a little surer of herself now. 'I struggle with his death every day, every day I question whether I should even be here or whether I should be at home with my mum and sister. Not that Tuney really wants me around anyway.'

'I think there are people here who are glad you came back to Hogwarts.' Sirius said, thoughtfully. Lily smiled at him and thanked him again for being kind.

Just then, Alice burst into the hall and looked astounded to see Lily sitting with Sirius. She ran over and sat next to Lily and then stared at Sirius.

'It's a shock to see you with him', she said.

'And it's a pleasure to see you too, Alice.' Sirius said, sounding rather amused.

'I didn't mean it like that', Alice replied quickly, whilst blushing. 'I just meant that…it was nice to see you getting on for once.'

'Yes', Sirius said, nodding his head gravely. 'Lily and I were just about to get it on.'

'Oh shut up, Sirius.' Lily said. 'He's kidding Alice, we were both just up early and thought we may as well get breakfast together seeing as it was just the two of us'.

'Ah Alice, do you see what she's trying to do? Pretend like she isn't in love with me.' Sirius mocked.

'Though it may wound you to know, Black, but the whole of Hogwarts isn't in love with you.' Lily said, half-teasing, half-exasperated.

'That's what you think.' Sirius responded with a wink.

Over Sirius's shoulder, James appeared looking enormously unhappy.

'Lily. We have a Head of house meeting with McGonagall in ten minutes.'

'Oh yeah. Let me just get my things.' Lily replied.

They walked in silence to McGonagall's office and she couldn't help herself wondering why he was suddenly being so off with her? Was there a particular reason? She knew people had mostly been walking around on eggshells around her, but to ignore her completely was like being confronted with the old James again.

'I don't have long.' McGonagall said, upon entering the room. 'Fill me in on this past week as fast as you can.'

Lily and James quickly went over the week's events, and spoke briefly about the upcoming Hogsmeade visit in October. They mentioned that they'd sorted the corridor patrols with the Prefects and would be distributing the lists to her and everyone else that evening, when they've been finalised.

McGonagall seemed to only one issue.

'It seems you two will not be patrolling together?' She questioned.

'No.' Lily said, 'we thought it best to split the Head Girl and Head Boy up.'

'Hm. Well usually we have them patrolling together, and if you wouldn't mind I'd like to keep it like that.' McGonagall said.

'Whatever you'd like.' Lily answered, easily.

'In that case, you're first patrol is tonight with James. The others can look at the lists and be able to carry out their own patrols for the rest of the days from then. Do let me know if any issues arise.' McGonagall finished, getting up and walking out.

'That was quick.' Lily said.

James just made a grunting noise.

'Well, erm, I think I'm going to go for a walk.' Lily said, thoroughly confused as to why James wouldn't talk to her.

'Aren't you meeting Alice or Mary?' James said suddenly.

'I don't think so, no. I'd like a little time alone.' Lily replied.

James just grunted again in response.

 **Back in the Gryffindor Common Room**

'Prongs mate, why aren't you answering me?' Sirius whined.

'What?' James snapped, causing Remus and Peter to look up in surprise. James rarely lost his temper, especially with any of them.

'Woah. I'm sorry. Am I meant to have done something?' Sirius snapped back.

'No, Padfoot. You…do something wrong? Heaven forbid. Not Sirius Black, the only one who can make Lily laugh these days.' James said, bitterly.

Peter made a little 'ah' sound looked back down at his Herbology essay, his eyebrows pinching together in concentration. Remus also nodded slightly and looked back to his book.

'Oh I see.' Sirius said.

'See what?' James snapped, again.

'You've been trying so hard this past week to try and get Lily interested in anything and to join in on the conversation, and you've decided that because we had one okay conversation…it's like I'm trying to steal that from you?' Sirius said.

'Mate, I was watching you. She looked happy to be there. Content in the conversation and people were talking about how you actually got her to laugh several times.' James said.

'Don't take this the wrong wa-', Sirius started.

'Don't say anything then.' James interrupted.

'Sorry, Prongs. This has to be said at least once. Have you ever considered, for just one moment, that someone can't just get over the death of their father? Did you watch the whole conversation, or walk in just behind Alice and see her laughing? Hear rumors from other people? Because let me tell you one thing. Lily was hardly in the conversation. I admit, she was more present than she has been this past week, but whenever the conversation died out a little her face immediately fell. She is struggling to be happy, to find happiness in a world in which her father isn't in. And did you consider for one second that just maybe, I know how she feels?' Sirius was saying.

James looked like her wanted to interrupt, but Remus told him to let him continue.

'Thank you, Moony. My family may not be dead, James. But they consider me to be dead. Do you know how that feels? Have you ever really asked? I know we talk about it, and I say I'm happy to not be like them but that's not always true. I consider you family, mate. I consider your family my family, but that doesn't stop a little bit of me from missing mine. I don't even get to acknowledge my own brother when I see him in the corridors. So maybe Lily saw just a tiny bit of the sadness she was feeling, inside of me. Maybe she realised she wasn't completely alone in her grief. I don't know, all I do know is that for one hour…she looked a little happier. It felt nice to be the one who made her look that way, seeing as I have often been the one to make her sad or angry these past years.' Sirius finished.

'I didn't realise you felt like that.' James replied, sadly. 'You could have told me.'

'It's not something I enjoy discussing, I prefer to joke around and have a good time. It's not always easy though.' Sirius said, seriously.

'I just want to be the one to help make her happy.' James said.

'Mate, you will be. I got her to be happy for a little while. Another day, Alice will make her happy. Or Remus. Or Mary. Or Peter. Or you. And eventually the period of time in which she's unhappy will get shorter, until it's only for a fleeting moment. Sometimes she'll go days without thinking about it. For now, she's too wrapped up in her own grief and guilt.'

'Guilt?' James asked. 'Why on earth would she feel guilty?'

'You know the answer to that yourself. She's magic. If she had what her father had, she's be cured. Also, she's here and her mum's at home. She misses her.' Sirius answered.

'Guess you know her better than I do. I'm sorry, Pads.' James said, once again sad.

'I could never know her better than you.' Sirius said, laughing. 'I just know a little about losing a family.'

From that moment on, James and Sirius never argued about Lily again.

 **Extra note: Please, please review** **It would mean a lot for you to, and to follow this story as well! I hoped you liked this chapter! The next one will focus on the first Lily and James night patrol.**


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: I still own nothing, anything from my imagination is based of Rowling's work**

 **Authors note: Okay so quite fun, I have 5 followers. It's pretty cool to have people who actively seek to read my work. I've had 150 'views' so at least 5 of those have actually liked my fanfic. I've still only had one review (thank you so much for that, I mean that sincerely…it was lovely to hear** **)! Anyway, this will be focusing on Lily's and James first patrol (I always write this before I write anything so I have no idea where it will go). Most of this will be from James perspective, so enjoy** **Again, reviews would be appreciated and loved.**

Lily was quite nervous about going on the first patrol with James. He'd ignored her all day but when she came back from dinner, he smiled at her like he hadn't been ignoring her all day. It was quite odd behaviour, even from him. At least normally he was consistent in his behaviour.

At around nine pm, she approached him where he was sitting in the armchairs with Marauders.

'James, we have to go.' She said.

'Oh right, I'd completely forgotten. Of course.' He said. Sirius laughed at this and Remus kicked him. Lily didn't know what was so funny.

'Well Prongsie, have a great time. Don't get _too_ over-excited.' Sirius said, winking. This time Peter kicked him.

'Right. Well, let's go right now.' James said, taking Lily's arm and basically dragging her out of the room.

They walked in silence for a while down the corridors, with their wands lit. Several portraits complained but they both simultaneously ignored them. Lily didn't actually mind too much because these days she preferred to not be talking. They were walking down a staircase, when suddenly it started moving and Lily lost her footing, falling sideways and grabbing hold of James to stabilise herself. He, in turn, wrapped his arm around to help.

'Oh gosh, sorry.' Lily said, quickly stepping out of his arms.

'No, no its fine.' James said, feeling she had stepped away too soon.

They carried on walking down the steps in silence, Lily being sure to hold tightly to the bannister so if it moved again she wouldn't fall on James.

'Well, at least it got the conversation going.' James said, dryly.

Lily laughed lightly at that, though James noticed it didn't quite reach her eyes.

'You do that a lot recently, you know.' James stated, in a very matter-of-fact way.

'Do what?' Lily questioned, looking sideways at him.

'Laugh even when you don't think something is funny. I think you do it so you don't have to respond by speaking. That way the conversation effectively ends.' James told her.

'That's not true.' Lily denied. 'I just don't really have anything to say.'

James thought about that and asked, 'What was your father like?'

'I'm sorry?' Lily looked as him she considered this question extremely callous.

'What was he like? His hobbies? Interests? What was he like?' James asked, a little worried about the answer by the slight anger he could see in Lily's face.

Lily ignored his questions completely this time, she looked ahead and James could see many emotions playing across her face. He knew he'd surprised her by asking outright and wondered if it was because of their history. He wouldn't place himself on the top of her list to be the one to ask about her father, but he was sincerely curious to learn about the man who raised such a marvelous witch.

'He was funny.' Lily said, suddenly. 'He loved to know about my magical world. So did mum, but he always said he should have been the magic one. He loved Wizard's Chess and always made me play with him. He used to say that he liked my eyes, because his favourite colour was green.' Now she had started she couldn't stop.

'When I was younger I wanted to be just like him. I used to follow him everywhere, a proper tomboy. I loved to watch him work, and he loved to answer my questions. He was such an inspiration to me, and I never really told him. He knew anyway. He wasn't the perfect father. He had a quick temper, something I've inherited but him, and he was so stubborn, also something I've taken. But he cared about everyone, always looking to help. Especially his family. He even used to help me revise for my wizarding exams. He'd love it. He used to help Tuney too. He'd always kiss mum on the cheek when he got home from work. Always read the newspaper, and read out what he felt were the most important articles of the day. I loved him. And I will continue to love him for every day I live.' Lily finished simply.

'He sounds like a great man. I wish I could have met him.' James said in response.

'I wouldn't be so sure on that.' Lily said, smirking.

'I guess he may not be as pleased to meet me.' James said, laughing.

'Actually know I've said that, I'd have to say he would have this past summer.' Lily began, whilst James looked at her questioningly.

'Well before, I described you as a bully.' Lily said, apologetically.

'It's okay…I was a bully.' James replied, with a nod. 'I like to think I've changed though.'

'You have.' Lily insisted. 'I noticed it towards the end of 6th year. You still pranked people, but you rarely hexed anyone just because they were there. I usually mentioned you and the Marauders and how your pranks upset me in letters to my dad. He started to dislike you because of it, but still wanted to know what you were doing and how it was affecting me. He knew you used to have a crush on me, and figured you were trying to find a way to show off. The only time you've ever really upset him is when I came home one Christmas and started crying immediately because of one of your pranks.'

'Which one?' James interrupted, sounding shocked.

'You'd distracted me in our end of term Charms exam in fourth year, and I nearly failed. Flitwick said he was disappointed in me, that he expected better. It was the first time a teacher had ever been disappointed in me.' Lily explained.

'I didn't know that hurt you so bad. I knew you were annoyed, but it was just a joke for me. I usually thought you took things like that too seriously.' James said.

'It's because I didn't deserve it.' Lily replied.

'What do you mean?' James asked.

'I didn't deserve to be magic. No more than anyone else in the Muggle world. So I was always seeking to prove myself. To show my friends, and classmate and teachers that I was just as magic as anyone else, just as good. It took a very long time to accept that I deserved to be there as much as anyone else, that I was just as magic. Anyway, so I went home and I cried. I told dad I hated you. Properly really hated you. He was so angry, I rarely cried. He saw you across the platform, laughing with Sirius and Remus. I think Peter had already gone home with his mum. He was so, so angry at you. That made me stop crying. I realised he was heading over to you, but I wouldn't let him. He looked ready to strangle you.' Lily finished, almost smiling.

'You should have let him.' James said, shaking his head. 'I'd have been so embarrassed but I'd have probably never come near you again. Of course you deserved to be at Hogwarts, you're just as much as a witch as everyone else – more so than some.'

'He might have killed you, it's times like that I realised my dad was stronger than most wizards – just in different ways. He wasn't afraid to confront you, even though the platform was flooded with wizards. So after that, he'd always check in and make sure you were behaving yourself.' Lily laughed sadly. 'Then last term he wrote and said he hadn't hear anything about you for a long time and asked if you'd been expelled. It was then I realised it was because you hadn't done anything. Not only that but you'd started to talk out against the war, and had legitimate reasons for hating the Slytherins. Dad said he wasn't shocked, you had to grow up eventually. But I kept talking about how you'd stick up for the Muggleborns, and Muggles in general and Dad really warmed to you. He said you were becoming a man and he wanted to meet you. And the other Marauders, even Sirius became more serious.'

James laughed at her weak joke, and thanked her for the kind words. He was secretly very happy that Lily's dad knew he wasn't a total twat before he passed away. They talked on as they went, and James saw Lily opening up a little more. They didn't talk about her family more, but James talked a little about his mother and father and about their jobs as Aurors. He said he was forced to grow up because he saw his parents putting their lives in danger every day and felt bad for never even considering the war.

They started to head back towards Gryffindor House when it was nearing midnight. They hadn't come across anything on their patrol, but didn't really expect to. James was glad that Lily finally opened up a bit, though he still saw such sadness in her face. He wondered if that would ever truly go. He hoped so. Lily had also had a nice time. She'd been glad to be able to speak openly about her father, but it also made her unbearably sad to think about him when he was alive.

When they made it back to their joint dormitory, they separated to go up their separate flights of stairs.

'Nice to see you, it's been a while.' James said, as soon as she'd opened her door to the lounge area.

Lily smiled properly at this.

'Want something to eat or drink?' He asked.

'A tea, would be nice.' She replied, sitting down on the sofa.

He made them both cups of tea, and also grabbed himself a slice of cake from the fridge. James saw Lily looking at it longingly, so when he put her tea down he left the cake with her and went to get himself another slice.

'Thank you.' Lily smiled.

'It's alright. It's good cake.' James said.

They ate and drank in silence, but it wasn't awkward silence like before. After they had finished, James got up to go shower and get ready for bed but Lily stopped with just the sound of her voice.

'Early today you seemed upset with me, had I done something?' Lily asked.

James looked very embarrassed and then sighed.

'I was upset when I saw you laughing with Sirius.' James said, honestly. 'Not that you were happy, but that he made you that way. I've been trying a little to be able to cheer you up and to try and help you but he managed it. Maybe I was jealous.'

It was Lily's turn to look embarrassed. James noted that she seemed oddly pleased with his words, but also confused.

'Why would you want me to be happy?' She questioned.

James shrugged in what he hoped was a very casual manner, and hoping his face wasn't revealing how deeply he cared for Lily.

'Everyone should be happy for as long as they can be. Especially with this war coming, and the opposite side getting stronger and more powerful.' James answered.

'Oh. Yeah, I guess that makes sense.' Was it just him or did she sound disappointed? It was probably just him hearing what he wanted to hear in her voice.

'Well anyway, I think I'd better go and shower.' James said awkwardly, standing by the door to his flights of stairs.

'Yes, of course.' Lily replied, getting up from the sofa. 'I'd better get some sleep.'

However, instead she walked towards him. She stopped right in front of him, standing close enough for him to lean down and kiss her.

 _Stop it_ , he thought.

'Thank you for listening to me tonight.' She quickly reached up and kissed him on the cheek, before turning and going into her room.

James raised his hand to his cheek and stared at the door where Lily had disappeared.

 _That was interesting_ , he thought.


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer: if you can believe it, I still own nothing**

 **Authors: I'm going to try explore Peter in this, don't hate me if you don't like it but I haven't written about him. I don't think he was completely evil, but he was so very weak and cowardly. This should mainly come from Lily's perspective, I think. (I'm not very good at editing so please forgive me if you notice errors)**

Lily had had a stressful couple of days since the patrol with James, yet she found herself strangely looking forward to the next one. She'd enjoyed talking to him, and talking about her father. It was like a pressure had been slightly lifted off her chest. She still found drowning waves of self-pity and despair, but finding them easier to control. Especially around her friends. However, she still found that she couldn't sleep with at least one nightmare, and they were getting more out of control. It started as just vague dreams of her dad dying but had since developed into terrible nightmares where her family was being tortured. She usually woke herself up because of her screams, and her cheeks were also damp from crying.

At about 1am on Wednesday evening she woke from another nightmare very cold, she left the small Head's common room and went downstairs because she wanted to sit by the fire to warm herself - knowing that she would get no more sleep. She was fully expecting to be completely alone when she got down there, so was shocked to see Peter on one of the desks in the corner of the room. He seemed to be crying as he stared down at a piece of parchment.

'Peter? What's wrong?' Lily said immediately, heading over to where he was sitting.

'I can't do it.' Peter wailed.

'Do what?' Lily asked, looking down at the piece of parchment and seeing that it was what seemed to be an attempt to write an essay.

'Any of it.' Peter cried. 'I can't concentrate in classes and I don't understand the majority of what the teachers are saying.'

'Well, Peter.' Lily started, gently. 'You don't often seem to care, you're never in the library and you very rarely work on anything in the common room.' Lily had never really understood how he got through his first year exams, let alone his OWL's.

'T-that's because they don't.' Peter sniffled.

'Who? James, Sirius and Remus?' Lily questioned.

'Y-yes.' Peter sniffled again.

'Peter, you don't always need to do what they do.' Lily scolded, gently.

'I do.' Peter wailed, again.

'No. You don't, Peter. Unfortunately, those three are unfairly gifted in the academic department and so don't need to spend as much time writing essays and studying as we do.' Lily replied.

'We?' Peter questioned, incredulously. 'You're just as clever as they are.'

'That's very kind of you to say, Peter, but it simply isn't true. I have to study and work every day to get good grades and even then it's not often what I want to have.' Lily explained.

'B-b-but I don't know how to work.' Peter said.

d - italics and date

'I could help you revise, you know' Lily said, kindly.

'Really?' Peter asked.

'I'd be happy too.' Lily said. 'Though you'd have to make it a commitment - two sessions a week for two hours per session in the library.'

'That's a lot of hours.' Peter replied.

'As I said, it's a commitment. I will help you get through NEWTS and help you pass with acceptable grades, but in return you have to be committed to learning. You'll also have to at least start your homework the day you get it, and finish it before the night before. As your tutor, I will happily go over your work but I will not do it for you. Can you do this?'

'Yes! I promise I'll work really, really hard.' Peter said, earnestly.

'Then every Tuesday and Thursday you are to meet me in the library from 1800 till 2000. We will go over class work you didn't understand, and homework you need help with.' Lily said, smiling.

'You promise you'll be there? That you'll help me?' Peter asked.

'Of course I will. I promise that as long as you commit, then I will commit to helping you. I might even see if I can get some others to join us.' Lily said. 'However, I will be sure to ask them to leave it proves to be distracting for you.' She finished quickly, when she saw Peter smile a little too much.

'I'll behave, I promise. I really need help.' He replied.

'Then stop with this and go to bed, you've done enough and I'll correct the rest. This is a one-time thing - I will not be writing your essays for you, but you do need to get some sleep.' Lily said.

'What about you? Shouldn't you go to bed?' Peter asked, whilst he was gathering up his things.

'I had some sleep.' She replied, wearily.

'Not enough...' Peter said.

'How do you know that? Maybe I went to bed really early.' Lily said, smirking.

'No...you don't. You stay in the library and then come back when you know most people go to bed and then you're up before anyone else.' Peter said slowly, whilst awkwardly standing by his chair.

The smirk completely vanished from Lily's face as she listened to him.

'Have you been watching me?' She asked, quietly.

'No. I promise I haven't.' He said, tripping over his own words. 'I've spent most nights in here this week trying to work, and sometimes you sneak by me to go to bed and you come back down when I'm leaving. Usually you're so wrapped up in your own head, you don't notice me. You must be tired.' Peter said.

Lily smiled a little at the compassion in his voice.

'Don't worry about me Peter, I'm working through it. And please don't say you're here if I need to talk - I have been talking. I talked to Alice and Mary and James, so I'm talked out.'

Peter smiled then, 'I don't think you should talk to me. Or any of us. I think you need to talk to Dumbledore.'

Lily was very shocked by that.

'Why would you say that?' She asked.

'You aren't coping very well, and everyone knows why. Alice also told us about Dumbledore not being able to help you with your dads illness. I think that even though you don't want to or mean to, you're blaming him and you're blaming yourself. I think you should talk to him.' Peter explained.

'I'm coping fine!' Lily exclaimed. 'I don't want Dumbledore to think he can't put his trust in me. Or that I don't trust him.'

'You think he'd think that? Dumbledore would never think that. You've been the smartest girl in the year since you first got here on the first day. You are the obvious choice for Head Girl. He won't take it from you just because your dad died.' Peter said.

'Peter, that's lovely of you to say, but Dumbledore isn't a stupid man. He will know immediately that I haven't been sleeping well, yes you were right about that, and he may recommend taking away some of duties. Or giving me a potion to help me sleep.' Lily said.

'Why not take a potion?' Peter asked, confused.

'Why should I have magical help me get over the death of my dad when I couldn't use it to stop him dying in he first place?' Lily muttered.

'You can't think like that. You and I both know that I'm not the most clever of wizards, but that's okay. I get to be friends with James and Sirius and Remus who more than make up for my lack of academic skill. They are all incredible wizards who deserve their magic. You are an equally, if not more so, incredible witch who deserves her magic. Use it.' Peter replied.

'I don't think I can, Peter.' She replied sadly.

Peter gathered up the rest of his things and made for the dormitory door, before looking back at her.

'Talk to Dumbledore. Tomorrow.' And with that, he went up the stairs to bed.

Lily considered his word to a long time, as she silently sobbed. She knew he was right. She has been ignoring Dumbledore as much as possible. She knew she'd have to face him eventually. She resolved to going and visiting him tomorrow afternoon, after classes. As Head Girl, she knew the password to his office. Lily also decided that she'd underestimated Peter. She had always known him to be quiet and kind, but now she considered his bravery. Before, she considered him cowardly. Well maybe not cowardly, but certainly less inclined for bravery. Through the years she'd found herself wondering how he'd made it into Gryffindor, having always considered him a weak person who seeks out the power of others for protection - James and Sirius. Only now did she consider whether she had been wrong with her initial judgement. He was a strange kind of brave, someone who would speak out when he knew it was right too. It was brave to admit he needed help with his work, and brave to confront her about her sleeping and avoiding Dumbledore. She must remember to apologise one day. To all of the Marauders. Lily was only just realising how much she'd underestimated all of them. She'd always known Remus to be a great man, someone she could look up to - he never blamed others for his condition and never took his anger out on them. Lily thought of Sirius as the joker of the group, and certainly one of the biggest bullies - along with James. She now wondered whether this was just a front to all of his suffering, inflicted by his family. She still considered his actions wrong, but also evaluated whether that made her words and actions right. Finally, as Lily edited Peter's essay, she found herself thinking about James. This past week, she'd found herself actually looking forward to spending time with him. She began to actually see him as her friend, and wondered if she'd been less stubborn and he'd stopped hexing people sooner - maybe they could have been friends a long time ago. Their past was their past, and her and the Marauders were dealing with it, but Lily wondered whether the Marauders could become as close friends to her as Alice, Mary and Remus already were. She might like that.

As she finished Peter's essay, she found herself drifting off thinking of the Marauders.

 **Afternoon, much later that day - Dumbledore's office**

Lily sucked in a deep breath and knocked three, distinct times on Dumbledores door.

'Enter.' He called cheerfully.

Lily breathed in and out again, and opened the door. She'd been in Dumbledore's office before, but was still shocked by the decoration. The room was surrounded by books, magical and muggle, and had intriguing objects placed all around it. Her eyes could not help but trail around the room, finally landing on Dumbledore himself. He sat behind the desk, complete with his purple ropes and half-moon spectacles. He looked up and smiled softly at her, gesturing to the seat in front of his deal.

'I've been waiting for you to come see me, Miss Evans.' He said, gently.

Lily took a seat and fidgeted uncomfortably, not really know how to start.

'Is there any particular reason you've decided to visit today though?' He continued.

Lily's head snapped up and green eyes met blue. She looked in them for a few seconds and saw more pain and understanding there then she thought possible, so quickly shifted her gaze to Fawkes, who was sitting adjacent to Dumbledore's desk, and settled on his vibrant colours.

'I'm sorry I never responded to your letter.' She said, straight to the point.

'Oh dear, I never expected you to. I'm sure it bought you no comfort. Though, and I'm sure you've heard this enough, but I'm so sorry to hear about your fathers passing.' Dumbledore said, softly.

Lily could hear the sincerity in his voice, and it pained her. She'd heard this so many times, but had been worrying about hearing it from Dumbledore himself. A man who she had put all her faith in, which had been destroyed in an instance when he couldn't save her fathers life. She had been so convinced he would be able to help her, she hasn't even considered the possibility that he would be unable too.

'I'm struggling.' Lily blurted, the words just spilling out. 'I can't stay focused on anything but my lessons, I can't focus on people. I barely write to my mum anymore and my sister and I completely ignore each other, though we haven't been close for years. It's like when my father died I lost myself and I can't find me. There are brief moments of caring, the longest I've gone without thinking about is when I went on patrol with James Potter. There are other moments where I feel like myself...with Alice or Mary or Remus. But never for very long. Not for long enough.'

Lily was on her feet now, pacing the room whilst Dumbledore watched her intently.

'I want to stop feeling guilty. Guilty that I'm alive and he isn't. Guilty that I would be able to save myself, but I couldn't save him. Most of all I want to forgive you.' She saw sadness and a little shock appear in his eyes and hurried to continue. 'Forgive you in the same way I want to be able to forgive myself. Your letter meant a lot to me, it was the reason I returned to Hogwarts and the reason I decided not to hide from my magic. But you're Dumbledore. I didn't even consider you wouldn't be able to convince the Ministry to help me, it didn't even cross my mind that you wouldn't be able to save my dad. So though I don't want to be, and I've told myself and others I'm not, I'm so furious with you. Sir.' She concluded, finally meeting his eyes from where she was standing near Fawkes.

Dumbledore looked at her for a long while, seemingly considering his response. He didn't seem angry with her but she could never tell with him.

'I understand.' Dumbledore said at last. 'I would be angry at me to, and certainly I would be unable to forgive me. I want to impress upon you that I did my best to get help for your father, for your family. I am also ashamed to admit that I couldn't.'

'I know it isn't your fault.' Lily said, sighing and returning to her seat.

'Knowing something and feeling something aren't always the same thing though, are they?' Dumbledore said, smiling knowingly.

'They aren't.' Lily agreed. 'However my dad always said that knowing what you're feeling isn't right is a step in the right direction.'

'Wise words from someone I'm sure was a wise man.' Dumbledore replied.

'He was wise.' Lily said, quietly.

'As I'm sure you're aware, you're allowed to be sad.' Dumbledore told her.

'I don't like to be sad. I like to be the strong one...it's hard being the one everyone is seeking to look after.' Lily said.

'You've always been the strong one. Let others be strong for you. Let them be your light in the darkness of your grief.' Dumbledore replied.

They sat there in comfortable silence while Lily digested his words. Her friends and her mum were just about the only light she had left. Alice, Mary and the Marauders have been there for her the entire time. They sympathised with her, and understood why she was in so much pain about the loss of her dad...but not everyone did.

'One thing my dads death has taught me, though I knew it before, is how wrong this war is. Muggle's, and muggleborns like myself, have done nothing wrong. They do not deserve to be tortured and killed for being different. I've always stood firmly on your side sir, and although I am angry with you, I want you to know that won't change. I am with you in this war. As your student and Head Girl.' Lily said, bravely.

'How committed are you to your words? Are you willing to support them with actions?' Dumbledore asked.

'Of course.' Lily answered, confused.

Dumbledore stared into her eyes, as if to assess whether she was telling the truth. He nodded slightly, and moved to stand up. He gestured for Lily to continue sitting as he walked slowly towards Fawkes.

'I believe you, Lily. Normally I would not do this until you have completed your education. However, the war is progressing far quicker than I would have imagined it to and the more people on our side, the better.' Dumbledore said.

'Sir, I don't know where you're going with this...?' Lily questioned.

Dumbledore chuckled slightly and started to stroke Fawkes.

'Lily, I think it's time you learnt about the Order of the Phoenix.'


	6. Chapter 6

**Author: I haven't posted anything in two weeks because I've been on holiday in Italy! I'm upoloading a few now because I have enjoyed writing them – please, please, please let me know if you enjoy reading them! I'm open to suggestions on what kind of scenes you want to see next etc! Literally, feel free to say anything**

 **Continued straight from last...**

'The Order of what? Of Fawkes?' Lily asked, getting more confused.

Dumbledore chuckled softly at that.

'No. Nothing to do with Fawkes. Though I did name it after him. Enormously strong and loyal Phoenix's are, and that's what this war needs...strength and loyalty.'

Dumbledore said thoughtfully.

'Professor, I still don't understand. What's the war got to do with your Phoenix?'

Dumbledore walked away from Fawkes and back to his seat. He took a sherbet lemon from the bowl in front of him, and gestured for Lily to take one as well. She reached for one, unwrapped it and popped it in her mouth, relishing in the sweet flavour and the reminder of Muggle sweets. She smiled softly as she remembered how her father would always let her spend 50p down the village shop every Friday after school, and she would always buy the sherbet lemons. He used to tease her for not trying new things, but Lily always knew what she liked and what she didn't. Dumbledore chuckled softly as the smile on Lily's face.

'Yes, I've always found myself very partial to these particular Muggle sweets. I find them to not be as risky as some of the magical ones.' Dumbledore said, shuddering slightly. 'Anyway, I must stay on subject. Lily, the Order of the Phoenix is an organisation I've founded in the war against Lord Voldemort. It is made up of the most willing and courageous wizards and witches, whose job it is to acquire as much information on Voldemort's movements as possible. It is a risky organisation, as if one was to be caught...I do not believe Voldemort or his followers would be kind. This organisation it outside of the Ministry but contains many powerful wizards and witches. Miss Evans, the reason I am telling you this is because I feel like you have a place among the ranks of the members of the Order of the Phoenix, should you want it.' Dumbledore held his hand up as Lily has started to nod and opened her mouth to speak.

'Miss Evans. Lily. This is not a decision for you to rush into, it is not a decision to make without thought. You have a high chance of being hurt in this war, and you will most likely risk your life constantly. The members of the Order of the Phoenix have accepted they may die fighting for this cause.' Dumbledore said gently.

'Dumbledore, I know that this war will be dangerous and I'll be putting myself in danger. My dads death taught me I wouldn't be able to stand losing anyone else, so I have to fight. I think I'm strong enough.' Lily responded.

'Lily, I have watched you for six years and am now watching you flourish in your seventh year despite your own personal loss. You are more than capable of fighting in this war, and as much as I want to say that I can accept you now...I must tell you that I cannot. You are my student, and until you graduate I must try and protect you as such. Whilst I am at Hogwarts, you are under my protection. However, you will have a place in the Order as soon as you graduate from Hogwarts.' Dumbledore said.

There was a tense silence as Lily considered his words. As much as she wanted to help now, to protect Muggles and Muggleborns. Her family and her friends, she also knew that without a complete education she may not know how. Lily was still learning so much that she did not know, and developing her skills.

'I think you may be right, there is so much still to learn in terms of magic. Transfiguration is so advanced now, and I'm in even slightly struggling in Potions which has always been my easier subject. I will finish my time at Hogwarts, but you will allow me to join after?' Lily asked.

'That's not what Professor Slughorn has been telling me.' Dumbledore said, chuckling softly. 'He believes that you, and Mr Snape, are the strongest students he has seen in all his years. To answer your question however, I think you should pursue a career in the Auror department as well, as you've always wished but yes, I believe you will also be a strong member of the Order of the Phoenix, when the time is right.'

'But not now?' She asked, one last time.

'No. I also believe we have now said enough on the subject. You will complete our studies and get good grades, because to quote Horace Slughorn once again; 'That Gryffindor girl and my Slytherin boy are the best this school has had and will achieve greatness.'

'Professor Slughorn really said that? That me and Sev, I mean Snape, were the best he's seen?' Lily asked.

'He did indeed. He also said that it is a shame you and Mr Snape are no longer on speaking terms, he believed you two often complimented each other's work.' Dumbledore replied knowingly.

'Sev...Snape is different now. I'm different now. We chose different paths, and it seems neither of us can get past that. There are different sides to every war, and he picked a different side to me.' Lily said shyly.

'I'm fully aware of where Mr Snape believes his loyalty lie.' Dumbledore commented. 'Though I've often found myself thinking, that wars may not be necessary if everyone was able to accept themselves as equal and get along. Mr Snape seems to care for you very deeply, Lily...as I'm sure you're aware.'

'I'm aware of his feelings, though mine are not the same. They never were. He can't be angry at me for not feeling the same as him...he was my best friend. He insulted me very deeply. He's also not approached me once about my fathers death, even though he knew how much I loved him. My loyalties were with him for years. I was on his side for years, sir. I respected him, even as a Slytherin. I defended him. He's abandoned me just as much as I've abandoned him...he's chosen them, not us.' Lily said extremely defensively.

She found herself thinking about her own words as Dumbledore also seemingly considered them. Had he abandoned her? He'd called her a mudblood, but he had apologised hadn't he? Yet she still rejected him. She stopped sticking up for him, basically allowing him to be bullied. She'd even started to become friends with his old bullies. That's not how best friends were supposed to act and Dumbledore seemed to think this as well.

'Are you sure he's chosen them? Or did he just have no one else to chose?' He asked.

'Sev had me.' She replied sadly. 'I was never able to convince him before that the people he was hanging out with weren't good for him, that he needs to be with people who care for him and he cares for back.'

'Hm. I ask you to do me one favour, though it is not really mine to ask. Try and talk to Mr Snape one last time and perhaps suggest that you are still there. Loyalty is sometimes a fickle thing, when someone seems committed on the surface...it may not run too deep.' Dumbledore pondered.

'If it's too late?' Lily questioned slowly.

'Then as you said, he will have picked his side. Him and the rest of his friends may rely on Hogwarts, and to a certain extent myself, for now but when they leave they are on their own. I, and the teachers of this school, cannot always be here to protect them from the influences of others.' He said gravely. 'Now, it seems we have been talking for quite a while, Miss Evans, but be rest assured...though we have missed dinner, I will make sure there is plenty of food in your private fridge.'

'Sir? May I ask just one thing?' Lily questioned.

'Some would argue you just did.' He replied, his eyes twinkling. 'However, I will allow another.'

'Have you approached anyone else about the Order of the Phoenix?'

'As it happens, I haven't. Not quite yet. Though I feel I will be chatting to a few more students before this term is out.'

'Sir...may I ask who?' She asked.

'It seems we have decided against the one more question rule, so instead I shall ask you one. Who would you chose?' Dumbledore asked.

They sat in silence for a few moments as Lily considered his words.

'If you had asked me a few months ago, my answer would have been extremely different. Now though, I would have to say James Potter, Sirius Black, Remus Lupin, Peter Pettigrew, Alice Fortescue and Mary MacDonald. I know you'll think it's because they're all my friends, but that wouldn't be true. James, Sirius and Peter have only recently become people I talk to, and although I've been considering that I judged them too quickly, I do also believe that they have changed. Whilst they are still pranksters, evident by the fact that two days ago they turned the second floor corridor into a swamp, they have always been clever and know what side of the war they should be on. They're loyal, especially to each other. Alice and Mary have been my friends since the moment I arrived at Hogwarts, despite me being Muggleborn and they'll be my friends for years to come. They would fight with me, and they would fight with you. I know it.' Lily concluded.

'Perhaps you're right. So it won't be a shock to you that I will be speaking to each and every one of them, and soon, though I ask you not to mention it to them right now as I believe it should come from me. I also believe that I may be talking to Frank Longbottom, just so you are aware.' Dumbledore said.

'You should. I don't know him well on a personal level, but he gets on very well with my friend Alice, and he seems to be an incredible wizard.'

'I agree. Now, we must end this meeting or we shall both be in trouble with Professor McGonagall.' He said, his blue eyes twinkling again behind his half-moon spectacles.

Lily thought about his words as she walked back to the common room. Particularly the parts concerning Snape. Had she not made enough of an effort? Perhaps not, perhaps she should have been there for him more. Lily was aware of how rare it was for a Gryffindor to be friends with a Slytherin, but her and Snape had been friends before Hogwarts and she never realised it mattered. She still didn't understand why it mattered.

That night she laid awake for hours, tossing and turning, as she considered whether she should approach Snape. Let him know that if he changed his mind, she would still be there for him...not in the way he wanted, but as she always was. He would remain as one of her best friends even if they couldn't be friends anymore. It was time she presented him for the proper, real choice.

Three weeks later...

Lily still hadn't approached Snape. She saw him constantly, and he was often alone so she had a lot of opportunity to do so but she could never bring herself to do it. Instead, she found herself hanging out a lot more with the Marauders and Alice and Mary - all of whom had become a big group. She had been on three more patrols with James, which had all gone well as she found herself talking more about herself and her childhood and also, learning about him and his parents. She was glad that they were able to be friends, and even often found him to be quite funny as a person and with his pranks. Though she sometimes found herself missing the old James, because he never pulled pranks on her anymore and always spoke quite tentatively around her so it wouldn't piss her off. Although she did appreciate it, it was also beginning to wear a little thin. Especially as she was able to function through the day without drifting off into her own world. Lily still thought of her dad constantly, but it didn't wear her out anymore. She had taken Dumbledore's words to heart and allowed herself to be sad and to cry. She had allowed her friends to comfort her, at least Alice and Mary anyway, and to wipe away her tears and be her strength - and now she was returning to her normal self (slowly, but she was getting there) - so she really wished James would stop treating her like a victim.

Lily also knew that she would have to talk to Snape and soon, to have any kind of impact with her words. Though she was very unclear of what to say, she knew she'd have to say something because as Dumbledore said, he may not think he has anyone there for him.

 **Potions**

'Afternoon.' Lily said slowly, taking a seat next to Snape who usually sat alone at the back of the class.

Snape didn't even lift his eyes up to look at her and continued to scribble in his potions textbook instead.

'Good afternoon, Sev.' Lily tried again.

His head snapped up at the sound of her old nickname for him. Lily saw surprise flash through his eyes and was hurt to see that he could be so shocked she'd speak to him. They used to be best friends after all.

'Sorry?' He said.

'I said 'good afternoon'. Usually you'd say something back and maybe ask how I am. That's how conversations usually get started anyway.' She replied sarcastically.

'You have barely spoken to me for two years. You don't even meet my eye anymore.' Snape said sadly. Lily saw real pain behind his eyes and wondered how true that was. She did usually avoid looking at him but that was only because it was too painful to. Lily saw how tired Snape was looking, how the bags under his eyes were a deep blue like he'd been given two black eyes. She saw his clothes were nearly as ragged as Remus's, and his hair was even more greasy and long then usual. He looked like an abandoned puppy.

'You called me a mudblood. Then you had the audacity to say it was an accident. You sneer at every girl and boy of my blood and criticise them for it and then pretended like I was different. I was really, really angry.'

'And you aren't now? You can forgive me?' Snape said quietly as Slughorn has started his lesson. As usual, he told them to pair up and work together. She could see Mary and the Marauders all staring at her curiously and she was having her whispered conversation. James particularly was staring at them, but he looked more annoyed than curious.

'I'm not sure. I'm still angry about what you said, and what you have kept saying to others. But I also want to help you.'

'Help me?' He asked.

'Yes, help you. You don't have to be who you're trying to become. Sev...you have a choice.' Lily said softly.

His eyes flashed then and she saw immediate anger.

'And how would you know who I'm trying to be? You haven't exactly been paying attention.' Snape snapped.

'Of course I've been paying attention. Don't insult my intelligence by acting like we don't all know what you and all your little friends plan to do as soon as your out of Hogwarts.' Lily said, her voice slightly shaking as her quick temper flared up.

'You don't know anything, Lils. Nothing.'

'So you're denying that you plan to become a Death Eater?' She said shortly.

Snape met her eyes quickly and then looked down at the empty cauldron sitting in front of them. He began to cut up some ingredients and throw them into the cauldron without even checking the textbook.

'Well...you not going going to even dignify my question with an answer?'

'It's clear you've already decided who I am.' Snape said coldly.

'Not who you are. I know who you want to be, but that's not who you are. You're my childhood best friend. The boy who told me I was a wizard. My best friend throughout five years of Hogwarts, despite our differences. The boy I stood up to against bullies, and who occasionally stood up for me in return. You're a boy who grew into a man, who turned his back on our entire friendship. Just because I'm a Gryffindor and you're a Slytherin, doesn't mean we can't be friends.' Lily said passionately, resting her hand on top of his.

'I want to be our friend. But don't you see? You're on the wrong side, Lil. He will win this war, and not because he's evil but because he's powerful. This war isn't about good and bad, or right and wrong. It's about power, and whose willing to seek it out.' Snape was started to speak very fast, and with more life in his voice than before. 'You're a powerful witch, and I'm a powerful wizard. We could help win this war and be respected by so many.' He rested his other hand on top of hers and looked into her eyes, leaning closer in as he seemed to will her to agree with him.

Lily withdrew her hands from his and busied them with the potion as she tried to calmly think through her answer.

'Voldemort kills innocent people. Peoples families and friends. He kills them in cold blood.' Lily said quietly, but not softly.

'Only people who try to prevent him achieving greatness. Don't you see how strong this world would be if everyone was magical. Equal.' Snape said, almost dreamily.

Lily could almost feel her anger now, like her blood was boiling.

'What about the people he doesn't consider equal? People without magic. Muggles..?' She questioned, avoiding his earnest eyes.

'They're only Muggles. They don't deserve to be equal. You can see that, can't you? How much your life would have been more miserable of you didn't have magic?' Snape said.

Thats when it happened. Lily stood up, knocking the cauldron to the floor with a clang as she did so. Snape visibly leant back as he realised he'd been missing the signs. The quietness and the slow answers all indicated Lily's temper was about to boil over. She saw that his excitement for her listening to his side of the argument blocked him from realising how quickly she was becoming angry. Everyone in class had turned to look their way as Lily rose from her chair, her red hair looking like it was crackling with the intensity of her rage.

'Now, now Miss Evans.' Slughorn said, rising quickly. 'Don't make a scene in my class.'

'Sorry Professor, but this has to be said. Severus Snape, do you not hear yourself? Acting as if you are above everyone because you seek power? Not just power, but power over others. I suppose you wouldn't care if you had to kill a few people, a few Muggles. What about Muggleborns? Kill them as well, I guess?' She spat.

'N-no...I didn't mean that.' Snape said quickly.

'Ah, no of course. Your deluded little mind forgot I was muggleborn? That my family were Muggles? Didn't think it would matter to me if they were killed, as long as they didn't get in the way of the great Lord Voldemort?' She said sarcastically. 'Suppose that's why I haven't received your heartfelt condolences about my dad dying? Too much of a Muggle for it to matter to a great wizard like you.' Lily shouted, everyone had class were watching them now with great interest. Slughorn looked as if he was struggling to find a way to intercede.

'No. That's not why. I didn't think you'd want me too!' Snape whimpered.

'Want my old best friend to comfort me? You probably were one of the only ones to have met my dad, it would have been nice. Probably didn't think much of him though. You should know that he was twice the man you are. You disgust me. You low-life, despicable, coward! You're a coward!' She screeched.

'Enough!' Slughorn boomed, finally finding his voice. 'This is not the manner I expect my two best students to behave. Especially not the Head Girl. You will both immediately go to the Headmasters office.'

Lily turned her glare on him, and he actually recoiled under it.

'Why, sir? You can't possible agree with him? That this war is right? If you do, then you're just as much of a coward as him.'

'I will not be spoken to like this, not even by you. Gather your things and get out.' Slughorn stammered. 'And you Snape! Headmaster - now.'

'With pleasure.' With one last glower at Slughorn and Snape, she gathered her things and left.

Lily saw Snape follow her out, but did not slow down for him to catch up - not even when he called her name.


	7. Chapter 7

**Authors note: please review and enjoy** **this will be slightly shorter I'm afraid**

 **Continued straight from last…**

She stormed up to the Gargoyle and angrily said the password, before marching up the stairs and thumping loudly on Dumbledore's door.

'Come in, Lily.' He called wearily.

Dumbledore was standing in the higher tier of his office, by the fireplace where she assumed he'd just been talking to Slughorn. He walked out from behind his desk and slowly towards her, all the while looking at her through his spectacles.

'Mr Snape.' He called, glancing over her shoulder. 'Please remain outside for a moment.'

She turned to see his office door shutting again and then swiftly turned back round to face Dumbledore, her hair swinging behind her.

'Miss Evans, calm down. Take a deep breath and tell me what happened.'

Lily did as instructed and informed Dumbledore of everything that occurred just now in Potions, including everything Snape said and everything she said to both him and Slughorn. The portraits on the walls had varying degrees of reactions to her having shouted at a teacher. Professor Dibble actually gasped, and clutched his heart, which Lily saw as an extreme overreaction.

'You shouted at a teacher.' Dumbledore stated.

'You can punish me, sir, but I have no regrets.' Lily said defensively.

'I don't see a reason to punish you when it was I who requested you speak to Mr Snape. I feel we don't have to go over everything again, and I understand why you lost your temper with Slughorn. However, not everyone is brave enough to step into a fight, but that doesn't mean they are against those who are. You will do well to remember that, Lily.' Dumbledore said wisely.

'Yes, sir.' She replied. 'I know that, sir. I think my anger may have been a little misaimed.'

'Perhaps towards Professor Slughorn it was, but not towards Snape. I believe that from what you've told me the hope I had that he was not committed to following Voldemort was misplaced. However, I will be expecting you to apologise sincerely to Slughorn, as he does value you as a student despite you being Muggleborn, and in his own way is valuable to this war. It is always good to keep those of value on side.'

'Okay, sir. I'll apologise.' Lily said.

'Really mean it, Lily.' He said.

'I will. May I leave?' She replied.

'You may. Please send Mr Snape in as you depart.' Dumbledore said quietly.

Although she knew it was wrong. Lily hung back a little after Snape went in and listened in to their conversation.

'Well. It seems I was very wrong about you.' Dumbledore said.

'Wrong, sir? How so?' She heard Snape reply.

'I thought I saw good in you. Turns out any good there was, has been squashed out.' She heard Dumbledore reply. His voice was colder than she'd ever thought it could be. Snape didn't reply to that, but she imagined him looking anywhere but at Dumbledore.

'I believe your good was only brought out by Lily Evans. You've lost her now. There won't be any getting her back.' He continued.

'What do you mean?' Snape said, his voice shaking.

'I feel I may have misled her into believing you were anything but a puppet of Voldemort's. Now she sees that you're just as committed to his side of the war as she is to her side, you won't win her affection.' He said.

'I-I don't want her affection. She's just a mudblood.' Snape sniffed.

'You will not speak that word in my presence, or in my school. I will not kick you out of this school, but I will not tolerate that language. You are still a student of mine and I know you as well as I did when you were a first year. You came to this school clinging to a clever muggleborn, and even after you were put it Slytherin you remained close friends. Both of you were exceptionally talented and appeared to genuinely enjoy each other's company. I have watched Miss Evans turn into a remarkable good witch with good morals, whereas you a remarkably good wizard with bad morals. Even still, despite these differences, you have been falling harder and harder for her since you met her. I am also aware of the tension between you and Mr Potter in competition for her heart - even though both of your efforts just pushed her further away. I have watched you two these past two years and seen the tension between you, but even still - I believed that your shared friendship and your love for her would keep you from Voldemort's reach. Love is a power that Voldemort knows nothing of. A power which you have ignored. You will live to regret not choosing your love for her, and you will lose her forever because of it.' He said, calmly but colder still.

'N-not forever. She will see that the Dark Lord is right to want the wizard race to be more powerful.' Snape stammered.

'You are mistaken, my boy. She has been bought up in a world of both Muggles and wizards and values them both. She cannot return the love you feel for her, when you don't value them both.' Dumbledore said, almost softly but not quite.

'I don't love her.' Snape whispered.

'My dear boy, I know unrequited love. I see it in your eyes whenever she talks to Mr Potter - despite her not having chosen him at this moment. Miss Evans is free to be with whomever she chooses, though this does not mean that just because it isn't you, you should turn your back in her. It doesn't have to be this way.' Dumbledore said, and Lily could hear the sincerity and kindest behind the cold front.

'It does.' Snape replied, and Lily could also hear the misery in his voice.

'Then you have made your decision.' Dumbledore said, any kindest leaving his tone once more.

Thinking she could not bear to hear anymore, Lily tore herself away from the office door and fled down the stairs, tears streaming down her face, and did not stop running until she reached the Fat Lady.

'Flobberworms.' She cried, and the portrait swung open.

Lily ran up to the Heads common area and into her room, slamming the door behind her. She threw herself onto the bed and sobbed into her pillow. Lily remained in that position for the rest of the afternoon and evening, until she ran out of tears. Until dinner was over and she heard the Gryffindor house heading up to their dormitories. Until she heard James gently knocking on her door. Until she heard him give up, and then for hours more after that. In her head, Lily could see all of her friends talking about her concernedly and worried about her welfare, seeing as she'd been missing all day. However, that wasn't her top concern. She was trying to figure out just how to apologise to Slughorn, as she did feel remarkably guilty now for what she had said.

As the clock struck 2am, Lily rolled out of bed and looked at her face in the mirror above her desk. She noted that her mascara had smeared all the way down her face and her eyes were still a little puffy, and so she quickly removed all make up (which was minimal because she rarely wore anything apart from mascara). Her hair was a tangled mess and so she quickly gathered it up and tied it in a high ponytail. Lily adjusted her clothing and checked the mirror one last time, before deeming herself presentable.

Lily was aware that the fact that she was Head Girl meant she would be able to patrol Hogwarts without teachers caring, however she still wanted to go unseen. She snuck out of Gryffindor Tower and down the stairs, the Fat Lady grunted in her sleep and then resumed snoring as she passed through the portrait. She trudged down the stairs to the dungeons, where she knew Slughorn's office was (as the potions master always worked in the dungeons because of the smell from the potions) and let herself into Slughorn's office. She heard him gently snoring in the adjoining room and knew she would have to work quickly so not to wake him up. Lily grabbed a bowl from the side of the office and placed in on the desk outside out his bedroom door so that he'd see it when he got up. She filled the bowl up with water using her wand and magicked a lily petal to float on the top - and to only start transforming when Slughorn's presence was in the room. She made sure the lily petal was the most vibrant purple and then, using the spell McGonagall had taught them a week ago, she gave it the ability to transform into a fish when Slughorn entered the room. She grabbed a piece of parchment from his office desk and quickly scribbled a message on it. For good measure, she then tied the fish's life to her own so that it would live for as long as she did and would be the perfect, low-maintenance companion for him.

She finally snuck back out of the room, pleased with her work.

Slughorn,

I'm sorry for how I acted today, and you are not what I claimed you were. I hope you can accept my present as my apology and forgive me for my behaviour.

Love,

Lily


	8. Chapter 8

**Authors note: hope you enjoy! I'm working on an Alice, Mary and Lily seen but it won't be for** **another chapter :) I feel I haven't done nearly enough on the girls and their part in Lily's life so I'll be sure to mainly focus on them in the next one – let me know if you want to see other characters more or less**

Lily slept in quite late that Friday, which was okay because she had a free morning, but was surprising because it was the first night she had slept well in a long time. Granted she didn't get to bed until about 0245am but she still slept in until 1030am which is almost considered a full night's sleep. She dragged herself out of bed and grabbed her shower bag, before having a long, warm shower. Lily applied a little bit of mascara, and brushed her hair through once and then dried it with magic. She let it hang loosely around her face.

Lily trudged back up the stairs to find James sitting in their shared common area, with a cup of hot coffee and a muffin. Her stomach immediately growled at the sight of it and she realised she hadn't eaten since yesterday lunchtime so she helped herself to a blueberry muffin from the fridge.

'Would you mind if I had some coffee?' James grunted in response so Lily, assuming that was permission, poured herself some coffee from the jug he had made.

'How are you today?' She asked.

'Fine.' He responded shortly.

Lily was far too immersed in her muffin to notice he was being off with her, and so they sat in silence.

James then turned to look at her, with his head slightly tilted, as if trying to figure out a puzzle.

'Why did you sit next to Snape yesterday?' He asked.

'What?' Lily said, with a mouth full of muffin.

'Why'd you just decide to sit with him? I thought you didn't speak anymore.' James replied.

'Dumbledore asked me too.' Lily answered, not caring for his tone.

'I see.' He said.

'What? He did. And why do you care anyway?' Lily said, getting annoyed. Was he trying to tell her she wasn't allowed to talk to whomever she wanted?

'Just thought it was odd seeing as the only time he ever talks is when he's calling people mudbloods.' James said.

'He never called me a mudblood till fifth year.' Lily said, finding herself defending Snape even though she didn't want to.

'You aren't the only one though.' James responded.

'Sorry?' Lily asked.

'Just because Snape didn't call you mudblood, doesn't mean he didn't call others it. He was cruel for at least two years before you guys fell out.' James answered, his face looking angry.

'You were cruel too.' Lily said slowly.

James's face visibly softened at that, and he turned to face her.

'I admit I was no angel. I was mean for no reason, and used to hex people for fun - especially you and Snape. I didn't do it maliciously though, or to cause permanent harm. I just thought it was a laugh. Then I saw wizards doing it for other reasons and using it against innocent people and I thought 'I don't want to be that'. So I stopped hexing people just because I could. Snape also learnt there were darker wizards out there using magic against others, but he didn't stop. Lily, don't you see? As soon as he leaves this.' He said, gesturing with his hands. 'He's joining straight up to the dark side of this war.' James finished, almost pleading with her to believe him.

'That's why I talked to him. Dumbledore, and myself to be honest, wanted to know if he was fully committed to the other side of the war when he leaves Hogwarts.' Lily told him wearily, finally understanding what he was trying to say and why he looked so annoyed yesterday when she sat with Snape. She knew James was not the type of wizard who hurt those who were different, despite him being pureblood. One of the reasons he and she used to disagree is because he used to particularly enjoy hexing those who did judge people for their amount of wizard blood. Lily however always thought that they only reacted that way because they were taught to, and if you were decent to them they would be decent back - her evidence for her theory was her friendship with Snape. She was always going to have to give him one last chance to be her friend again and fight in the Order, but in her truest of hearts she knew he wouldn't take it. Lily also knew that it was partly her fault, his love for her, and the love he did not receive, in return drove him away.

'By the sounds of it, you concluded he was.' James said, almost smiling.

'He's a coward. He's only choosing the other side because it's gaining a lot of power and he believes he'll be more powerful because of it.' Lily said sadly, tears appearing in her eyes.

'Woah hey, sorry. Please don't cry. I hate it when girls cry. Girls are always crying.' James said.

'Girl don't always cry.' Lily said defiantly. 'I'm not going to cry.' One single tear betrayed her by falling down her face.

'Other than that one tear, I'm not going to cry.' She corrected, causing James to smirk.

'Don't worry. I think it may be because you're the weaker gender.' James said seriously, the corners of his mouth twitching slightly.

Lily punched him hard in the arm, and he grabbed it whilst wincing dramatically in pain.

'I really don't cry very often though.' Lily insisted. 'These past few months I can't seem to help crying though.'

'I know.' James replied, looking sad.

'What do you mean 'you know'?' She asked curiously.

'You've been completely different these last two months, and of course I understood why. But it was really hard for everyone to see you so withdrawn, especially me. The thing is, you have been so much better these last two weeks until yesterday. Now you seem to be just as sad as you were before - and I could kill Snape for it.' James said very fast, not meeting her eyes.

'Dumbledore told me that I needed to stop trying to fight past the grief and let it swallow me for a while, and have my friends comfort me and then I'll feel better about letting it go. As always, he was right. I also refuse to let this Snape thing bring me back down because I already knew who he was and what he thought, and I can't let one moment of weakness where I thought I could help him destroy everything.' Lily said.

'You let yourself be swallowed by grief?' James asked confused, his eyebrows pinching together.

'Yeah, two weeks ago all I did was cry for about a week, and poor Alice and Mary took it in turns to drag me out of their beds and wipe my tears and get me to class. And by the end of the week, I felt so much better. I starting eating more and sleeping more and enjoying people's company more - even Sirius's.' She said with a laugh, James smiled weakly but it didn't quite meet his eyes. 'I've even been tutoring Peter for two weeks and it's actually been going okay.'

'I heard about that.' James said laughing a little. 'He's been so much happier since he's been able to do some magic himself in class. But I don't understand, I didn't particularly notice a change in you? Why didn't you let any of us comfort you?'

Their eyes locked then and Lily could see that James actually looked hurt. Did he honestly want to hold a blubbering girl for hours?

'I was...controlled with my grief, I guess. I was careful not to embarrass myself too much in public, so mainly just brawled in the girl's dormitories. Anyway, there wasn't much you could have done that Alice and Mary weren't. It was more about just hugging me and stroking my hair. Like having a sad cat.' She laughed weakly.

'Thinking back, I didn't see much of you that week but I didn't think too much of it. You were fine on our patrol. Lily, I wouldn't have minded doing that you know. You're...my friend.' James said.

'Funnily enough, the patrol night was actually the worst. I had an okay night on Thursday night, and we basically just binge ate and watched Muggle movies on a TV and DVD player Dumbledore allowed us to have. So the next night I was feeling good. I got back from the patrol, and I was talking about how pretty Hogwarts was at night and how fun patrols are, and talked about how I couldn't wait for my parents to see it at graduation. Then I realised only mum would see it and cried all night. That was the last night of crying actually.' Lily said thoughtfully.

'I just wished you had told me. I would have happily been there for you.' James said sadly.

'That's because you seem to enjoy treating me like a victim.' She replied quickly.

'Wait what?' He said, looking really shocked.

'You don't treat me like you used to. You don't play pranks on me or tease me anymore. I almost miss it.' Lily said straightforwardly.

'It wouldn't have been fair to do that. You were already hurting enough. I didn't want to hurt you more.' He said sadly.

'I honestly appreciated that for the first month and a half, but you don't have to treat me like a wounded animal anymore. You can be a dick again.' Lily said, winking.

James chuckled at that and pushed her lightly on her leg.

'You were never too impressed with that. I only ever did it to show off to you. Though I got the feeling I didn't achieve that.' James said.

'Now that you don't ask me out every other day, and we're actually friends. I'm sure I'd find some (italics) of your practical jokes funny.' Lily said smirking.

'Oh come on. You miss me asking you out all the time.' James laughed.

'Maybe I do.' Lily chuckled with a wink in James's direction.

Lily then shifted uncomfortably in her seat.

Did she?

No.

 _But you do a little, don't you?_ The little voice inside her head said.

No, I don't.

 _You liked having someone constantly showing you attention._

That's not true, I used to hate it.

 _Used to..._

Shut up.

Lily tried to stop having an internal conversation about her weird feelings for James and laughed awkwardly at his comment about not getting his hopes up. They sat there for a moment as Lily tried to convince herself they hadn't switched from a serious conversation about the war and Snape to flirting within about 15 minutes. Lily Evans and James Potter do not flirt, they fight.

'Well, I better get ready for Defence Against the Dark Arts.' She said, standing up quickly and walking to the door.

'Alright.' He said comfortably. 'I'll wait for you and we can walk down together.'

'That would be nice.' Lily said.

 _Yeah, you'd like that wouldn't you._

I said, shut up.

 **That Evening (from James perspective)**

'So you think Lily was actually flirting with you?' Sirius said dubiously.

'Probably not, but it definitely felt like she was.' James replied.

The Marauders were all sitting in the main common room, in the armchairs by fireplace. James was recounting what had happened between Lily and himself earlier that day, and asking for the Marauders opinion. They were all eating food and drinking Pumpkin Juice, which had been stolen from the kitchens earlier by James.

'She may have been. She definitely enjoys your company more these days.' Remus said lightly, whilst smiling.

'You think?' James asked, in a tone he hoped didn't away too much of his excitement. Though he reckoned Remus saw through him.

'Aw come on, Prongs. I told you if you just acted like yourself then she would notice you more often. Then you decide to stop going after her and to move on, which consequently means you act like yourself and she realises you aren't a massive dick.' Remus said, fully smirking now.

'I'm not sure.' James said seriously. 'Sometimes it feels like she may like me, and other times it's like we're just friends. Don't get me wrong, being her friend is great and everything but I want to know where she is.'

'Maybe ask her? She's really good at talking and listening.' Peter said, looking up from his homework. Him doing homework when he hung out with them was no longer a strange occurrence, as Lily was making him work very hard. It was just that kind of selflessness that James liked about her.

'Ooooh Peter, do you have a little crush.' Sirius teased.

'No.' Peter said, going red. 'I just think Lily is really nice and that James should stop worrying about whether she likes him and just ask. She's always been really honest and nice to me, despite me never paying her much attention. James has liked her for years, but never really asked whether she likes him back. Maybe he should.' Peter finished with a shrug, no longer red.

They all stared at him in stunned silence, watching him as he began to do his homework again.

When did Peter get so clever? James thought.

Everyone was changing so much this year. All of a sudden, Lily and her two friends were now an extension of the Marauders. Sirius had become more motivated to help win the war from the good side, despite its meaning it'll have to go against his entire family and their wishes. Even Remus was accepting his condition a little more, and not hating himself. Peter was working towards what he'd do at the end of Hogwarts. Most of that was because of Lily Evans. He had now accepted he would never be able to get over his feelings for her, and every day she said a few words or did something, anything, that made him fall for her a little more. The way she twirled her hair when she was nervous, or how she always had time to hear about everyone else's problems. Everyone had seen how much pain she had been in, and still was, but James also saw how she still had time for others even though she was grieving. He was so surprised to find out she'd actually been properly grieving for a week, and that he hadn't noticed. Thinking back, he reasoned that it was because he had really seen her that week except in classes. James felt himself wishing more than anything that Lily had let him comfort her, because seeing her sad and hurt broke his heart. That, and every smile she smiles at him makes his day. He accepted in that moment, he was completely in love with her.

'So you think I should ask her out?' James questioned, after a few more minutes of eating.

'No. Didn't you learn anything? You can't just ask Lily out; you did that too many times for her to take you even a little seriously. You need to wait until the moment arises, then ask her to go casually.' Remus said.

'What moment?' He said, whining a little.

Remus looked at him as he considered his answer.

'I shouldn't be telling you this. McGonagall only told me because I wouldn't be able to go as it falls on my time.' He said with emphasis. 'There's going to be a Halloween ball to celebrate the ghosts of Hogwarts - it doesn't happen very often but it's going to be a huge ball. So if Sirius were to ask Mary to go, and Peter was to find someone to go with, as I suspect Alice may have someone else in mind - no Sirius, I'm not telling you who - then you can ask Lily because you'd be the only two friends in our little group without dates. That way you make it clear it'll be just as friends.' Remus said thoughtfully.

'But I want it to be more than friends.' James whined again.

'Yes, Prongs. We all know that, but this way you will have proper one-on-one time with Lily and perhaps even make her fall for you as much as you have with her.' Remus said seriously.

Sirius and James both stared at Remus, Peter wasn't listening though as he was intent on doing his homework, and then glanced at each other.

'Would you ask Mary MacDonald?' James pleaded.

'Yeah sure, mate. Though I doubt she'll want to go with me.' Sirius said awkwardly.

'I don't doubt it.' Remus said.

'What do you mean? Do you know something?' Sirius said excitedly.

'No, that's it. You and James have exhausted me with all your love talk now. I'm going to bed.' Remus said and he gathered his stuff and took off up the stairs.

'What does he know?' Sirius asked James. 'Do you know something?'

As James tried to convince his friend that he didn't know anything, he thought about what Remus had said about Lily. Would it really be that easy to make Lily fall for him? It's been seven years and he still hadn't managed it.

He decided to grab his invisibility cloak and go for a wander around the castle to clear his mind. He knew he didn't really need it, as he was Head Boy, but was so used to having it with him now. It also meant that he wouldn't have to answer any awkward questions of he bumped into teachers wandering around the castle.

James walked right through the castle and down to the Black Lake, where upon he took his cloak off and leant against one of the huge oak trees. The stars and moon that night were particularly bright, and the lake was glistening because of it. There wasn't much sound around him and so he was able to be content with his own thoughts. James had always loved Hogwarts at night and constantly wished he could bring Lily down here to show how spectacular it was. One of the reasons he loved the full moon, was because it meant he got to spend the whole evening outside in the open air. James also knew it was cruel of him to love the full moon, because of his best friend's infliction. Though he couldn't help but love how it felt running through the woods. It would put the whole world in a new perspective, it was then when he considered how wrong the war was. James continued to think about Lily and Hogwarts and the war until eventually, he fell to sleep.


	9. Chapter 9

**Author's note: this chapter will focus on Alice and Mary and Lily. Probably also the Halloween Ball will be mentioned. Maybe. I have two new followers! Very exciting. Please keep following this story because it definitely helps to write in when you know someone wants to read it. Also – please review ! I love receiving them (though I only have three)**

 **The Next Morning**

'You're saying you flirted with James?' Mary asked, shocked.

Lily nodded her head miserably.

'And you liked it?' Alice squealed.

Lily nodded her head again.

'But do you like him?' Mary asked curiously.

The two girls waited expectantly for an answer as Lily sat in the dormitory, staring out of their window. She had come in early that morning and woken them both up to tell them what had happened yesterday, as she didn't get a chance to before because one of the Marauders was always around. Now that she had, Lily didn't really know the answers to any of their questions. Instead she stared out the window and hoped they'd forget she even bought it up, but unfortunately Alice and Mary never dropped a conversation.

'Pretty sure the only reason we allowed you to wake us up at the crack of dawn was because you had gossip. Granted, it's gossip we cannot spread - but gossip is gossip. Now talk.' Mary demanded.

Lily sighed dramatically, and walked over to Alice's bed. She flung herself on to it and pulled the red and gold duvet over the head. The other two girls ran over and pulled them off of her and a tickling war began. They quickly stopped because the other two girls in the dorm stirred in their sleep and they couldn't risk waking them up.

'I guess we flirted yes. It was kind of nice, so yeah I liked it. But I don't know if I like him.' Lily whined. 'I haven't even liked him as a person for over six years, how can I suddenly like him now?'

'Because people change.' Alice said quietly.

'Alice is right, people change. You've changed and he's changed. Accept it, Lily. If he makes you happy, then tell him.' Mary said, like it was obvious.

'That's the thing though - I don't know if I like him like that. It could be that I'm just not used to having him as a friend.' Lily said.

Mary and Alice both looked at each other and rolled their eyes, something Lily didn't miss.

'What?' She asked.

'We've never, ever known you to like a guy. You never even flirt with them, although some have tried over the years. Not even Snape, and the only reason we thought you could stand him was because we assumed you have some weird childhood crush on him - which you quickly proved you didn't. If you flirted with James, it means something, Lils.' Alice explained.

'But it was only for a second.' Lily muttered.

'Even for that short about of time, it means something.' Mary said.

'He probably doesn't even like me back.' Lily said defiantly, convinced the girls were blowing this out of proportion. They had only flirted a little.

The girls both laughed at that. Lily was getting really annoyed by their attitude towards this, she had no idea what was going on and they were acting like they did.

'Oh my Lily darling.' Mary said, putting her arm around Lily which Lily allowed reluctantly. 'The boys been in love with you since the very first day.'

'And why wouldn't he? Nearly every guy on this place is in love with you. With your vibrant green eyes, and shock of red hair. And the fact that you know everything there is to know about magic. I think even some of the Slytherins have crushes on you, and they're meant to hate you.'

'That was last year. I think he thinks of me as just a friend now. Guess he's got bored of waiting.' Alice and Mary laughed again. 'Well you two can hardly talk. You get as much attention as I do.'

Mary shrugged her shoulders, but Alice barked out a horse laugh. Lily hated it when she did this - sure she had a bit of a round face and was a teensy bit plump, but she was beautiful. She had beautiful long, brown, curly hair and lovely brown eyes that were like chocolate. Alice was sweet and kind and generous. She was the 'girl next door' kind of girl. Mary was one of those 'I hate her' kind of girls. She had beautiful honey coloured hair, and bright blue eyes with ridiculously long eyelashes. She also had very high cheekbones and basically, just perfect features. Lily thought privately that she probably would have hated her if she hadn't turned out to be so nice.

'Lil, James is never going to stop liking you. Its ridiculous. When you aren't there, he constantly asks where you are and how you are. When you are there, it's asking you the same thing. He's always going to like you - probably love you.' Alice said gently.

'Okay, but I still don't know if I like him.' She said.

'Then take some time and work it out. Don't just ignore your feelings - see if you want to be his friend or want to try being more.' Mary said.

'What happens if I try being more and I don't like it? We can't just go back to being friends.' Lily said.

'Sweetie, that's just something you'll have to figure out as you go.' Mary said quietly.

'I know, you're right. I'll see what happens.' Lily said, and Mary grinned.

'Good - because I think there's something else we should all be talking about. Alice and Frank.' Mary said, smirking.

'What?' Alice screeched.

'Aw come on Al, there's something there.' Mary teased.

'No - we're just friends! I swear.' Alice insisted.

'Pretty sure you just said to me and then that I need to stop lying to myself. Tell us.' Lily demanded.

'Okay I like him.' Alice said defeated. 'But nothing's happened. Sometimes I think it might, but I don't know. He's such a great wizard and has so many ideas about the future. Whereas I have no idea what I'm going to do.'

Lily smiled slightly to herself, remembering that Alice is going to receive the same offer she did from Dumbledore about the Order. She also thought Alice would make a fantastic Auror, but wasn't't going to tell her that because she doesn't want her doing something just because someone told her too - as Alice often did.

'If you like him, act on it.' Mary said.

'I can't just 'act on it', I could potentially ruin our friendship if I told him I like him and he didn't like me.' Alice said shortly.

Bertha Jorkins stirred in her sleep, and all three girls turned to look at her. Everyone knew what a gossip she was, although a little dim, and that the secrets Lily, Mary and Alice were discussing could be halfway around the school by the time they go down to breakfast.

'Look, if I have to try and evaluate where I stand with James – then you have to agree to do the same with Frank.' Lily whispered, with as little sound as she could manage.

'Agreed.' Alice murmured back.

'Please let's stop talking now. I will not be able to stand it if _that_ Bertha hears any of this.' Mary said bitterly, probably remembering when Bertha told everyone in Gryffindor that Mary had hooked up with Kurt Reynolds in the broom closet on the third floor. Whilst there was some truth to it, Mary had never properly forgiven Bertha for telling everyone about it.

Lily went back upstairs and quickly got changed before meeting the girls in the main common room, where upon they all went down to breakfast in the Great Hall. The sky was bright and sunny, and Lily found her mood to be quite equal to it. As she, and the girls, helped themselves to kippers, bacon and eggs they found themselves chatting about how they should make the most of the rare day of sunshine while they have it. It was quickly becoming autumn now, and the leaves were turning brown and falling from the trees, and most days remained cold and brisk. The frost would settle on the ground and stay there all day, making the grass crunch under everyone's feet. Hagrid was often seen chopping up firewood in preparation for the winter. However, a day like this reminded everyone of how beautiful Hogwarts was in all weathers and they most make the most of it while they could.

As they were finishing with their breakfast, the owls started swooping in and dropping their letters and packages in front of the students. An owl brought The Daily Prophet to Lily, took the payment of a knut and a quick drink of Pumpkin Juice before soaring out the window again. Lily sucked in a little breath and raised her hand to cover her mouth.

'What is it, Lily?' Alice asked, her mouth slightly full of food.

'Muggles…' She whispered.

'What about them?' Mary asked urgently.

'They're dead. So many of them are dead.' Lily whispered, again.

'What? How?' Mary asked again.

'Doesn't say much, I don't think they know. Though they believe Voldemort is involved.' Lily said, a little louder.

'When isn't he?' Alice said miserably, looking around the tables and seeing many Gryffindors, Ravenclaws and Hufflepuffs looking miserably at the papers. Several of the Slytherins however had small smiles on their faces.

'It's just so unfair. They won't even know why.' Lily said.

'No. Though at least they wouldn't have seen it coming.' Mary said, sadly.

'I suppose there's that.' Alice agreed.

'It's still wrong.' Lily said.

The girls sat in silence, as Lily stared at pictures of the dead Muggles. The bodies were said to have been examined, but found no reason for their death and the Muggle police have no leads. The Ministry however, suspect the killing curse had been performed on them all. Just then, Professor Dumbledore stood at the high table and they all turned to look at him.

'Students. I'm sure by now you have all read about the awful killings of the Muggles in London. Though we do not know why, we know who. This is just another attack carried out by Voldemort and his army.' Lily noticed several people flinched at his name, like it was a word they were afraid of. 'We must constantly be aware of everything around us, though we cannot be afraid of it nor can we run for it. We must however recognise when someone falls in this dreadful war, therefore I ask for a two-minute silence for all of those who have fallen at Voldemort's hand.'

Lily watched as the teachers, including Dumbledore, bow their heads and also saw the pupils of Hogwarts following suit. She too bowed her head and thought of all those who had died because of Voldemort and all those who would still die. Many people in this room with her now could die because of him, including her friends. She felt her eyes tear up when she thought of losing Alice or Mary or Remus. Or any of the Marauders. Lily quickly blinked them away as Dumbledore started to speak once more.

'Though not to disrespect those who have fallen, we have some slightly more cheerful news here at Hogwarts. Professor McGonagall will now tell you about it, as we are all excited.'

Lily noted that McGonagall looked less than excited at Dumbledore's words, and rose to her feet reluctantly.

'It is my pleasure to announce that there will be a Halloween Ball at Hogwarts. This ball will be to celebrate the ghosts of Hogwarts, and only takes place once every sixty years. All years will be welcome, though first to third years will have to depart after the feast – with no exceptions. Everyone else will be welcome to attend the dance and then continue the party quietly in their House common rooms, at Professor Dumbledore's request.' McGonagall lips pulled together in a very thin line, obviously trying hard to disguise her disapproval at his request, Dumbledore's eyes were twinkling however. 'There will be dancing after the feast, and in one week you will be expected to attend dance lessons with your partners. The ball itself will take place on October 31st, which is two weeks away on the Saturday. Alcohol is strictly prohibited for all those underage and there will be constant vigilance at the ball.' Dumbledore coughed slightly and McGonagall immediately stopped talking and then drew a breath. 'Lessons will be continuing as normal until the ball. Thank you.' She finished and took a seat.

Lily, against her wishes, glanced up the table to find James sitting with the Marauders. She quickly looked back down at her plate, and shoved the image of him asking her to be his date out of her mind. She didn't want that – did she?

 **Authors note: that's it! Hope you liked it! Any requests? Tips? Anything? Please say :)**


	10. Chapter 10

**Authors note: So I (again) have failed to update recently but I had literally no inspiration. However, I hope you like this chapter** **leave any comments, and please follow**

'I have no interest in finding a partner to the ball.' Lily said lazily, lounging by the Black Lake with Alice and Mary. 'Can't we just all go as one big group?'

'That wouldn't work. Peter's already been asked by Bertha Jorkins and said yes.' Mary scoffed.

'Don't be cruel. It's cute.' Alice scolded.

'She's only doing it because James, Sirius or and Remus would all say no and she wants to be with the Marauders. They always provide her with the best gossip. Who would like Peter?' Mary said.

'Don't be cruel. Peter's kind. And he's loyal.' Lily said.

'True, but he's definitely not the most handsome boy in the year. Not up to Bertha's usual standard of manipulation and blackmail to get what she wants.' Mary said.

'She really isn't that bad. She's just a harmless gossip.' Lily said.

'Harmless to you maybe.' Mary said scathingly.

Lily leant against the large oak tree, smiling to herself. The lake looked so inviting right now, especially with the heat of the sun blaring down on her. She found herself wishing she could just go for a swim in the shallow waters like they sometimes did in the summer months. Though Lily knew that Mary wouldn't want to ruin her hair, and Alice wouldn't go in unless they all did. She sighed to herself, thinking of the ball again and that it all seemed to be more effort than it was worth. Especially with the Hogsmeade visit being the weekend before, which she found herself organising – therefore she was not looking forward to it as much as she usually would.

'Evans.' Sirius called, striding across the lawn towards her with Remus and Peter following in his wake.

'Black.' Lily responded, smirking up at him.

He wiggled into the small space between her and Mary and threw his arm around Lily. Remus and Peter settled on the grass just in front of Alice.

'Aren't you going to miss all this, Lils?' Sirius said.

'Yes.' She said, smiling serenely. 'I'll miss everything about Hogwarts.'

'No.' Sirius said, shaking his head. 'I meant me.'

'I'll miss you too.' Lily said laughing, whilst the others joined in as well.

'Good. Now…I have a very important question to ask you concerning the Halloween Ball.' Sirius said, looking into her eyes.

Lily quickly wiggled out of his grasp when she saw Mary's face drop momentarily.

'Don't you dare ask me to go with you.' Lily warned.

'Lily. Please. Lily. You think a lot of yourself don't you?' Sirius said, pulling away from her and putting his other arm around Mary. 'I was just wondering whether you would be okay with me taking your best friend?'

'What?' Lily and Mary exclaimed at the same time.

'Mary.' Sirius said, turning to look at Mary. 'Will you go to the ball with me please?'

'Well, I suppose I could.' Mary said, but Lily could see how happy she was.

Sirius pulled her a little closer to him and smiled happily. Lily looked back out at the water and really did consider how much she was going to miss Hogwarts and everyone in it. She thought about her friends, and how little time they were all going to have. With that, she stood up and began to take her cloak and jumper off so she was standing in just her trousers and shirt.

'Woah. Lils, I know you're upset I'm not taking you, but taking your clothes off won't help your case.' Sirius said, with mock seriousness.

Lily smirked and winked at him, and then reached for Mary and pulled her to her feet, very reluctantly on Mary's part who looked extremely happy to be nestled next to Mary. Alice also got up, catching on to what Lily was thinking, and took off her cloak and jumper. Both girls then forced Mary to take them off. Remus, Peter and Sirius looked completely bewildered to what the girls were planning to do. Without a word to any of them, the three girls walked arm in arm towards the lake - though Mary was being slightly forced and could be heard complaining loudly about her hair. All girls screeched when they first put their feet into the lake, the sun having only heated it a tiny amount. Lily gripped both Alice's and Mary's hands very tightly and started to run into the lake, pulling them behind her. Mary and Alice started running as well, until they were up to their waists in water.

'Come on.' Alice yelled back to the boys, who were now all standing at the edge of the lake staring at the girls like they were crazy. Sirius was the first to come into the lake, beaming widely and ran straight at Mary. He rugby tackled her into the lake, and started splashing her crazily. Lily, who was laughing at this, was then also knocked into the lake by Alice. Remus and Peter were also now walking towards them in the water. Lily, however, was now splashing Alice in retaliation to what she saw as an unjust attack. Peter and Remus were standing waist deep in the water and watching both the girls in amusement, whilst Sirius and Mary were swimming off together and talking with their heads bent close together. Mary's hair was soaking wet and clinging to her face, but she didn't seem to care too much at that moment. Lily and Alice turned to each other and smiled wickedly, before turning back to Remus and Peter. Fearing what was coming next, the boys started trying to run back to land but the girls were faster than that and dove for their legs, pulling them into the water. Laughing madly, they then proceeded to soak the boys as well. Lily loved how happy Remus was looking, especially because she'd realised at McGonagall's announcement that the Halloween ball fell on a full moon and therefore he would be unable to attend.

'Prongs.' She heard Sirius yell suddenly. 'Prongs. Frankie. Come on in for a little swim.'

'What in God's name are you doing, Padfoot?' James yelled back, pulling off his cloak as he did. Frank Longbottom was not far behind him.

'Just having a little swim. It's lovely weather for it.' Sirius shouted back.

Both boys began to run through the water, obviously struggling slightly against the tension the water caused. Sirius released Mary and threw his whole body on top of James, slightly drowning him in the process.

'Sirius, what the hell.' James said spluttering. He quickly ran his hair back through his hair to mess it up again.

'Prongsie, so glad you could join us.' Sirius said, smirking widely. 'And you, Frankie dear.' He said, charging at Frank and knocking him into the water as well, though Frank took the fall slightly better than James and managed to laugh it off.

Lily, Alice and Mary had gathered together to watch this display with amusement. The boys continued to play fight each other in the water as they laughed. Peter and Remus eventually pulled back and called for surrender and the games quickly ceased after that. They all swam together in silence, occasionally splashing one another. Lily couldn't remember being this happy in such a long time, and looked around at all her friends with so much love in her heart.

'Alice.' Frank called quietly, swimming up to her. Lily was pretty sure that only she could hear. 'Alice, I was just wondering if I could ask you something.'

'Sure.' Alice responded, smiling straight at him. Lily knew just by looking at his face when she did what he was going to ask.

'Alice. I wanted to ask, I mean, I just wondered if you would maybe go with me to the Halloween Ball.' He asked, quickly.

'Like, as friends?' She asked, smiling still. Lily saw Frank falter slightly at her reply and she rolled her eyes. She sincerely hoped that one day Alice would see how incredible she really was – how brave, loyal and beautiful. Beautiful in so many ways.

'I kind of meant not as friends.' Frank muttered. Lily almost laughed. Frank, who was one of the most confident boys in their year, now looked so nervous and scared.

'Not as friends?' Lily turned slightly in the water and watched Alice's face fall.

'No. Not not as friends. I meant, as more.' Frank explained as fast as he could.

'More?' Alice said hopefully, as Lily watched the smile return quickly to her face.

'More.' Frank confirmed, and moved closer to Alice. Lily saw him lean down a bit and kiss Alice lightly on the lips. She turned around quickly because she knew she had spied enough. However, she didn't account for Sirius.

'Frankie.' He called loudly, bounding over to them both and Lily turned to see them quickly separate. 'Did I just see you kiss?' He demanded.

Lily was surprised at how unembarrassed Frank looked and smiled to herself when she saw him put an arm around Alice and pull her closer to him.

'Pretty sure I saw you kiss Mary when James and I were walking down here.' Frank said pointedly. Lily saw Sirius turn slightly pink and laughed loudly.

'Shut up, Evans.' He said, sticking his tongue out.

'What? Like Mary's the first girl you've kissed.' James said cheekily.

'Shut up.' Sirius roared, swimming quickly towards James again in order to attack him again. Alice and Frank started swimming further towards land until they could put their feet down on the ground, and then started walking out of the water. Lily watched as Remus and Peter also started to head towards the land, and looked towards James and Sirius who had stopped fighting. She saw Sirius swim towards Mary again who was standing waist deep in the water again, attempting to wring out her hair. He stood up too when he reached her and Lily smiled when he pulled her into a hug. She herself decided maybe it would be good to go back in, having been in the lake for quite some time now. She started swimming slowly in and then when she knew her feet would touch the floor, she stood. She felt a presence next to her, and fearing it was some sort of lake creature she quickly kicked out and lost her footing, falling backwards towards the water. James, however, grabbed her wet shirt and pulled her upright.

'Sorry.' James exclaimed. 'I didn't mean to make you fall.'

'That's okay.' She replied, smiling up at him. 'You caught me so it makes up for it I guess.'

James laughed at that.

'Well, I'll always be here to catch you.' James said, with a wink. Lily smiled internally at that because it was a hint of James acting like his normal self, his old self, around her.

'Let's hope I don't fall too often then.' Lily said.

'Oh ouch.' James said, clutching his chest and pretending her words had wounded him.

As they walked onto the ground, Lily could see the others lounging on the grass and trying to dry in the afternoon sun. She purposely sat a little way away from them to see if she could have a normal conversation with the 'old' James.

'So...' She started, once he'd taken a seat next to her.

James sighed and turned to look at her.

'Are you about to ask how I look so effortlessly good, even though we just crawled out the lake? Looking for tips, hm?' He asked, looking very serious.

'Absolutely.' Lily said, and then gestured to herself. 'I just can't pull off the type of beauty you seem to exude.'

'I get it.' James said. 'Not many can.'

'Glad you don't show off about it though.' Lily said.

'No, I mean…I get it. I would never like to rub it in or anything.' He replied.

'No. Never.' She laughed.

James smiling widely at her when she laughed. Lily truly appreciated in that moment how much their relationship had changed. He used to annoy her to the point of yelling whenever he bragged about himself or showed off. Now, she just found him amusing and genuinely thought of him as a good person.

'Well, it seems all our friends are pairing off and going to the ball then.' James commented.

'Ha, I guess it does seem that way.' Lily replied.

'Do you wanna then? Go with me I mean?' James asked, carefully avoiding her eyes.

Lily sighed, and found herself wishing maybe he was a little less 'old' James. At least, she hoped that's what she was wishing. Something about his suggestion though, made her stomach flutter a little bit.

'I mean as friends, Lils.' James said quickly. 'I'm not starting the whole asking you out again thing again. You missed your chance.' He finished with a smirk.

Lily felt her stomach drop a little at that. She noted James was still not looking at her. Could she be a little disappointed? No, it definitely wasn't that.

'Oh cool. As friends? That should be cool.' Lily replied.

'Good. Then we can all hang out together. I might even save you a dance.' James said, as he stood up and offered Lily his hand which she accepted and he pulled her to her feet too.

'I'll hope you'll save me more than one, seeing as you're my date.' Lily winked, walking back towards the group.

She didn't see, but James beamed widely behind her back.


End file.
